Over the past few years people have often asked questions about Elizabeth's religious paintings and about why she began doing this kind of art. Elsewhere, she has written about her faith story, and about God and prayer, but in those writings she has not mentioned much about her painting. We thought it would be good to ask Elizabeth some more detailed questions about her art, especially for this website, so that others can share the background behind the pictures. She answered these questions in July 2006.
1. "When did you start painting?"
CHILDHOOD
As soon as I could hold a paintbrush, and found paints available, in childhood, I enjoyed making coloured marks. It was exciting to be able to reproduce what I saw, even though I did not recognise I was doing so in a childish way. This must have been at nursery school. I well remember, at primary school, using powder-paints every week to convey a scene suggested by the teacher, perhaps of a funfair, a mediaeval battle, or a market. I took this skill for granted, believing that everyone could draw and paint. It did not seem like a special gift, but was something as natural as brushing my hair or playing with Meccano; yet at the same time I was amazed, without being aware of it, that an object in front of me could 'appear' on the paper in front of me, through my own decision and thought, and the use of my hand and pencil. Part of the reason I did artwork, throughout my childhood, therefore, was because it was a pleasure to see that I could. Another reason was that I preferred to be busy rather than bored; and sitting still equalled boredom, to me, unless I was engrossed in a conversation, a picture, a book, or one of the innumerable projects I undertook in childhood, by myself or with friends. For example, we collected oddments for our natural history 'museum', made catapults, and invented codes for sending messages in a club.
2. "What kind of things did you paint as a child and why?"
SIMPLE SUBJECTS
As a child, I painted only what I could see: either on the spot, or from memory. I could 'compose' a scene - a mediaeval battlefield, for example - from disparate elements that I'd already seen in history books, or on the blackboard; but I could not paint fantasy pictures, or weird imaginings. My subjects were usually the house we lived in, or my pet mice - or members of the family, in scribbled portraits. It was not possible to be very adventurous, anyway, because of limited access to art materials.
ART MATERIALS
It was thrilling to find a box of half-used water-colours in a jumble sale one Saturday afternoon, in the church hall. And I remember once being given a set of poster-paints at Christmas. But my idea of 'Art-Heaven' was to be in an art shop or a stationers, in later years, and be able to buy clean, new paper, and not have to draw on the back of old memos from my Dad's office. When I had more money, as a teenager, I spent it on a tin of Derwent colour pencils. I still feel a thrill when I see the landscape design on Derwent tin lids, and remember my first purchase.
3. "Were you artistic in other areas at school?"
SCHOOL DAYS
My ability was seen and appreciated by others - who asked me to make posters, banners for school events - and illustrations for a sixth-form magazine. But I was too impulsive and disorganised to sit myself down and say: "This is what I seem to be good at. How can I best use it?" The people 'in charge' at home and art school rarely spoke to me without referring to exams and homework; so I saw painting only as a hobby, of not much importance to anyone else at the time.
4. "Were you encouraged in your painting, as a child?"
ENCOURAGEMENT AT HOME
I was encouraged, at home, in art, though not in a very 'hands-on' way. My parents were very busy at work. My mother worked full-time and was rarely home till late, so her encouragement took the form of an occasional exclamation that perhaps one day I'd go to Art school. But I did receive an easel from my father one Christmas, as a surprise gift, and I was very moved by his generosity. He had made it himself from narrow lengths of timber: an A-frame shape at the front, with a bar on which to rest a board, and a hinged leg at the back.
A BLACKBOARD
He had even made a plywood board for me, with one side plain, for me to pin my paper on, and the other side painted with blackboard paint, so that I could use chalks, which were much cheaper than paints. I was about seven or eight at the time. Even by then, my father knew I had a gift, though I myself did not know it. I suppose part of the reason I thought everyone could draw was that my mother occasionally made a competent copy of a postcard scene she'd admired, and my father had once tried his hand at water-colours, with some admirable results. He stopped painting, however, to take up carpentry in his spare time. He could make or mend almost anything.
5. "As you grew older, what was the style of your painting?"
BRIGHT COLOURS
What came naturally to me was a realistic, figurative, almost photographic style; but it grew increasingly impressionistic and colourful. When I arrived at the Grammar school at eleven years old, there was no art-room; so I did little regular artwork there until a new tower block was built five years later. Then I painted all alone in the Art-room, near the roof, for my two years in the sixth form. I took Art 'O' level in the lower sixth, and 'A' level in the upper sixth - as well as other A-level exams. So I was able to paint huge images, in powder colour, with a freedom I'd never before experienced. Occasionally, I had to join in a drawing session with juniors; but for the most part our Art Master let me produce whatever came into my mind; and when I was not doing precise and muted studies of my fellow-pupils' faces, as they posed in gym-kit, according to the Art Master's instructions, I used a large brush to produce images that frankly amazed me. It was exhilarating to use such glorious colours. This was in response to his promptings.
SPLASHING OUT
I had rarely had any major difficulties with composition, proportions or perspective; but the main 'fault' he had seen, when he first saw my work, was my inclination to paint everything with a small brush, and to paint every facet of my subject in tremendous detail. He gave me large brushes, large tins of powder paint, and large sheets of sugar paper. So for the first time in my life I felt I could literally 'splash out' in paint. What I produced was very different from the almost monochrome, tidy studies I'd been doing at home for years.
6. "Were there any religious themes in your painting then, when you were a teenager?"
AN UNHAPPY TIME
Many of my paintings evolved into images that were religious - and at a time when I was unhappy, as an Anglican, with the contradictory answers given to me on the subject of Church and Holy Communion. I had just stopped attending church on Sundays, in a deliberate decision, because I did not want to be a hypocrite and pretend to show allegiance to the Anglican church when I did not understand Anglican origins or doctrines. So I was puzzled to see three crosses appearing in my newest cricket scene - or the face of Christ appearing before me, in paint, when my initial intention had simply been to paint a portrait of an ordinary male.
DEEP-ROOTED CONCERNS
I suppose a psychologist would say that my deep-rooted concerns about faith inevitably surfaced in something as profoundly personal as painting; but when I was not doing this sort of work, I was making very competent if pedestrian still-lifes, of skulls, bottles and books, arranged by our Art Master who had to get us through an art syllabus.
7. "Once you had left home did you continue to paint and draw?"
TOO BUSY TO PAINT
Life was so hectic when I left home to earn my living that I painted nothing for about two years - though I sketched miniature portraits in the border of my notebooks, at lectures. I was once 'roped in' to paint some 'ancestral portraits' to decorate a dance-room, for a social event; but I didn't have any time to think seriously about art, because of my hectic social life, yet I found this 'lack' so sad that I realised that 'Art' was what I was born for - as well as for marriage and motherhood, if I could have the good fortune to be proposed to by the right man. So I took a portfolio of art-work to an interview with the Principal of Wimbledon Art College, with some references, and was overjoyed to be accepted.
EXHAUSTION
Unfortunately, I became ill for months, and could not start the academic year. That spelt the end of my dream of formal training, because when I recovered I had to find a job; and I was too exhausted to start again, coping with applications, interviews, grants, and materials.
8. "Were you upset by having had to alter your plans about formal art training?"
MARRIAGE
It was disheartening to find things going wrong. But I was determined not to give in, and to return 'home to Mum'. I was glad to have found work; and somewhere to live, still in London. On the bright side, I had already met the man who is now my husband of over forty years. He lived and studied elsewhere in the Capital. And when I had recovered from my illness, and he had passed his final examinations, we were able to marry. We found a little bedsitter, still in London, and were very happy there. I now began cooking as well as working, however, and was leading a busy life meeting my husband's old friends; so I didn't have a second in which to paint.
9. "How did getting married and having children change things in regard to your art?"
QUIET TIME AT HOME
When I was pregnant with my first child, I eventually gave up paid work, in order to prepare for the birth and be ready to look after the child, and my husband, full-time. There is a steep learning-curve, with a first baby - fitting in feeds with household chores, meals, social life, and family visits and celebrations. But when I grew more competent, I found enough free time, when the child was asleep, to be able to attempt some paintings, at home. That reasonably quiet time of life with my first baby didn't last very long, however, partly because I became a convinced Christian, which meant that it was important to devote some of my meagre leisure to prayer, not just hobbies.
PRAYER AND PAINTING
Few mothers are able to pray first thing in the morning; yet regular prayer became both an obligation and - for a while - a joy to me. So the precious hour when the baby was asleep in the afternoons had to be devoted first to prayer, and then to painting, for the short period of time I had before life became much more hectic.
My husband had a demanding job - with intermittent exams, and late nights studying. This meant that I looked after the baby almost alone; and we also had to move from house to house for a few years, around the country - with myself as chief packer, unpacker, babyminder and curtain-maker. My husband was submerged in his responsibilities in each new promotion.
LOOKING AFTER THE CHILDREN
There were no relatives nearby who could have helped me, if I had tried to take 'time out' to do an Art degree. Anyway, I wanted to look after our babies myself, since much of motherhood is about teaching as well as showing love; and that was so important that I have never wanted to entrust it to anyone else, unless strictly necessary, such as when I was ill, and my daughter went to a nearby nursery at three years old. The same reasons kept me from doing a theology degree, when I had developed a sincere fascination about God, and the Catholic Faith. But I've never regretted having looked after my own children; and I'm aware how fortunate I've been, that my husband could support us, and that I wasn't one of those women forced to go out to do paid work.
I'm also grateful that I've been able to look after our old parents, even though it has meant not being able to paint for long periods - even years. I couldn't have lived with my conscience if I'd said "No" to them; and since the most important moment for me was the present moment, I painted when I could; but when it was impossible to find time for painting I forgot about it, and concentrated on my duties.
10. "As a young adult, what did you paint and why?"
OIL PAINTS
I produced several paintings in the few months when my first baby was asleep, and when we were living in a huge rented house. It had been made available by my husband's employers - with no furniture to fill it. That's why I had a whole empty room in which to set out some paints; and I painted 'from the heart', first in powder colours and then in oils. I bought a book about oil painting, and taught myself how to make canvasses, and mix colours.
My inspiration for my subject-matter came from my inner journey, at that time. I had just decided to ask to be received into the Catholic Church, from the conviction that her teachings were true, and that God was inviting me to accept the truth, and to enter. So when I painted, and first wondered what to paint, I chose to attempt a few Madonnas, using my own face simply for the bone structure, the eyes and the nostrils. It was impossible to do landscapes, with a baby to care for; so I was content to paint whatever seemed possible, at home; and I was always learning, reading everything I could afford to buy: a few paper-back 'how-to' books; and I made and primed my own cotton or linen canvasses, partly because I wanted to use good-quality surfaces, and also because I could not afford to buy ready-made ones.
FLOWERS, IN WATER-COLOUR
A few years later, when we had settled in a house and garden of our own, knowing we'd probably be there for ten or twenty years, I became even more enthusiastic about the gardening I'd always done; and it occurred to me that I should try to paint the flowers I so much admired. From then on, I painted hundreds of flower pictures - in both oils and water-colours, learning as I went along. I even did very detailed work again, now that my old art-master was no longer hovering at my elbow talking about big brushes and big paper.
In explaining what I painted, and why, I must mention my own children. They were so precious to me, and so beautiful in my eyes, that I paused to sketch them at odd moments; and I was surprised to find I could 'catch' a likeness in a few strokes of pencil. Later, I painted the boys in oils, as well as their grandfathers (- my mother refused to be painted, and my mother-in-law had died). And it was when I had framed these pictures and had hung them in our home that I began to receive requests to paint the children of several friends.
IMPORTANT DUTIES
The question about 'juggling' the children and the artwork revives a lot of painful memories. I most certainly did not resent the lack of time in which to paint. The children, and my husband, were my greatest joy, after God. But as I learned how to look after a family, I had to learn how to allot reasonable amounts of time to various things; and when it was quite impossible to find time to paint I accepted the fact; but it felt as painful for my spirit as if I had been a singer who was forbidden to open her mouth to sing, so strong was the yearning I had to record and to share what I saw of beauty in the places and people around me.
Of course, I realised that no gift or hobby can be more important than the care of one's own dearest relations; so I learned to be patient. I supposed that a time might come when I would be able to paint again, perhaps when the children were older.
11. "Even if you had no formal training, did you manage to attend any art-classes, or join any groups?"
SICK RELATIONS
By the time I had three children, and had spent a lot of time looking after sick parents-in-law, as well, I became determined to make a small space for art in my life each week. I was thrilled to be a wife and mother, and had no desire to rush out to do paid work, as I said: but I knew it would lift my spirits if I could find a secure place where I could occasionally paint without interruption. I never painted at home with the children around, except for 'fun' things such as family murals, or carnival monsters - or large 3-D models, in a cardboard box, of famous fairy stories. It seemed wrong to 'shoo' the children away, if they wanted to chat, whether they were infants or teenagers; so I painted, if possible, when they were at school; or I sometimes gave up painting for months at a time when things were hectic, through a mixture of illness, and social events, and various unexpected crises.
LIFE-CLASSES
The reason for all this 'background material' is to answer the question about training. I enquired about life-classes at a local school of art, and was accepted as an external student for a fortnightly two-hour session of painting. A kind young art-teacher used to stroll around, peering at our work; but he gave no direction whatsoever, seeing it as his job only to answer queries; and since I asked no questions, and just painted at top speed for my blessed, uninterrupted hour or two, I cannot say that I was taught or trained; but it was good discipline, and exhilarating. My soul was enlivened merely by being in the same room as other people who made pictures and loved painting. For about a year and a half I carted my tool box of oil-paints to the art school, and my home-made canvasses. I worked hard, and learned a lot through sheer effort, observation and persistence.
MARBLE-CARVING
As far as I can remember, the only other training I've had was a ten-minute chat with a local stone-merchant, who once told me how to carve marble. He very generously gave me a set of his old chisels. For a year, in my thirties, I set up my bags of uncooked rice on a stand in my garage at home, to prop up a piece of marble from the nearby stoneyard. It was thrilling to see the layers peel away, like cheese, at a gentle tap-tap-tap from my hammer, with the right chisel held at the correct angle. So I carved a marble dove, which still sits on my window-sill today. But then I became ill again, and too weak to continue with such demanding labour.
Everything else I know about art, I've learned from books, exhibitions, observation, reflection and experiment; and that includes the colour theory that changed my style, and which has brought me the degree of joy in painting that I had never before experienced.
12. "Which artists most influenced you when you were young?"
IGNORANCE ABOUT ART
As a child, I knew almost nothing about famous painters. I suppose I had heard of Picasso, for his fame and notoriety as a Modernist. I had seen reproductions of the Venus de Milo, and one or two more well-known images such as the Mona Lisa. But I had two busy parents with little spare cash. We lived a very quiet life in a country town; and I can't recall going to an art gallery until I was eighteen and lived in London.
EXPRESSIONISM
Of all the 'Old Masters', I think Botticelli was my favourite; but in my twenties, I was bowled over when I discovered modern painters, above all, the German Expressionists: the 'Blue Rider' school. It included Macke and Marc, with their swirling lines and gorgeous colours. Next, it was thrilling to discover Klimt, and Emil Nolde, and Gauguin, Cézanne, van Gogh and Monet, and Toulouse-Lautrec. I was charmed by the simplicity and the colour of Modigliani's work, and the beautiful compositions he made with his somnolent nudes. But then it became tedious to encounter walls full of naked women, in every major exhibition - despite the beauty of the human body. It was a relief to discover John Singer Seargeant, when I was beginning to paint portraits. I was in awe of his skill at painting fabrics as well as flesh; and I admired almost everything by Augustus John.
GIFTED PEOPLE
I received a good, informal education by looking at books, galleries and churches which it had been impossible to reach from a restricted life-style when I was doing art in the sixth form at school. Through all my discoveries, I learned to weigh the work of artists of every era and to puzzle over my own reactions. There were many I admired, though I had no desire to imitate their styles. I remember the first time I saw one of Paul Nash's calm but haunting aeroplane pictures. Rosetti and Holman Hunt, of the 'pre-Raphaelites', fascinated me both by their drama and their decorative appeal.
When I began flower-painting, I learned that Redouté had served as a 'benchmark' for all botanical artists. I found his work exquisite, but too formal for my tastes. Redon's flower paintings were more exuberant and colourful; and, considering some different subject matter, but still pondering what gave me joy, I thought very highly of Sutherland's majestic, tapestry Christ, as I gazed at it in Coventry's Anglican Cathedral, and as Christ seemed to gaze down upon me. Sutherland's other work was more abstract, however, therefore less appealing to me; and though I read a bit about sculpture, and sought out a few pieces, and admired Epstein's monumental realism, and Eric Gill's severe but moving bas-reliefs, I was bored by the current fashion for minimalist forms, of the Hepworth and Henry Moore schools.
COLOUR, ABOVE ALL
When I turned back to look at the work of painters, particularly the Impressionists and the Expressionists, it was the colour that seized me, more than any other painting quality; and the excitement of seeing colour well-used is still with me today. It is almost exactly the sort of pure pleasure I experience when I hear a great choral work with interweaving harmonies, which give way from time to time to plaintive recitatives. The special joy of finding such pleasure is that, in art, it does not die away. The object of my fascinated attention remains there, in front of me, whereas music has to be played, sung or heard, over and over again, each time in a new performance. A painting doesn't move!
CREATIVE STRUGGLES
If I'm asked whether these artists inspired me, my answer must be 'Yes' - but in a limited sense. I did not rush home, after attending an exhibition, yearning to paint in the style of the artist whose work I'd just seen. I learned a little painterly 'tip' from them, here and there. But the greatest gain for me was to see anew, at each exhibition, that an ordinary, living person, like myself, on fire to share his excitement at what he had seen before him, had kept going. He had painted, observed, reflected, painted again, and persevered; and here in the exhibition was the evidence that it was worthwhile, even if the painter had died without being recognised. It had still been worthwhile, either because he had at last got his 'message' across, whatever it was, or because he had finally shared his joy with thousands of other people.
After each exhibition of pictures by someone I admired, I rushed home determined to paint more, to paint better, and to be better organised. That's my attitude, in fact, to everything important in my life, in cooking, as in prayer, or dress-making: to do more of it, better, and to be better organised; so of course it applied in things to do with art, as well. It is quite against my nature to say to myself: "I am going to do such-and-such a project, but I need only aim for mediocrity." This was not from a purely instinctive urge to adhere to the well-known adage: "If a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing well." It was a call of conscience, I suppose.
AIMING FOR PERFECTION
If we decide to use our gifts, it's worthwhile being careful and wise in our choices, just as if I buy clothes, it's worthwhile keeping them clean and mended. Or if I make a garment, I oversew even the inside seams that nobody can see. Or when I began to pray every day, I decided that if I could worship God with my body as well as my mind and soul and heart, and in that way show Him the greatest possible reverence and love, I would kneel to pray, instead of lying in bed to make my morning offering. I prayed 'arrow-prayers' each day in every circumstance; but it would not have occurred to me to lie in an armchair for my allotted time of formal praise, thanksgiving and intercession each day. So in all spheres of activity, whether ethical or material, I believe it is better to try for perfection, even if we miss the target, than never to pause and take aim, in the hope of succeeding.
13. "Did you sell any of your artwork at this time?"
EARLY SALES
Ever since I was in the top form at Grammar School I have sold a painting here and there, when someone has admired one and has asked if she might buy it. But I usually regretted my early sales. Having to let go of something you've made that is beautiful is hard, anyway; but you're also tempted to wonder if you'll ever manage to do something as good as that, again. Artists do want to share something of what they produce, however, so we have to learn to live with the pain of letting them go, if we want to share, or sell them. It's a great consolation, though, when we become more proficient, and learn that we can probably produce something just as good once again.
FIRST PORTRAITS
As I mentioned earlier, people asked me to paint portraits of their children, so I fitted that in for a few years, mostly when the children were at school. But I hated the rushing about to sittings - and the endless hopes that a child would actually sit still for more than two seconds. It was a relief to give it up, when it occurred to me that I did not have to accept every commission offered. I was much happier painting flowers, and still-lifes too, which of course never moved.
14. "Were you creative with your own children?"
AMUSING THE CHILDREN
I could not have failed to be creative with the children for the simple reason that I deeply loved each child, and loved to entertain or amuse them. We had our share of squabbles; but we had a lot of fun, too, in the house and garden and on various treats and outings; and many of our activities revolved around an art project, or were made more entertaining through an artistic aspect. For example, the boys loved playing outdoors with model cars; so I made a concrete 'island' in a flower-bed, with coves and cliffs around, and a road across the top, for them to drive their little cars on. They could invent games about smugglers too, and pirates. It was fun showing them how to make paper-maché heads, for string puppets, and glove puppets. When we had a few puppets, we'd put on informal shows, or use the characters at our birthday parties.
The biggest puppet I made was an 'Emu' bird, which, I'm sorry to say, was a bit frightening for three-year-olds, though they appreciated it in the end. I couldn't make Emu gesticulate too wildly, anyway, as I was six months pregnant with our third child; and I couldn't risk falling onto the floor during my 'Emu' session at my younger son's birthday party.
MODELS AND MONSTERS
There are so many projects now flooding into my memory, that I can't put them all down. But I'm sure the children - now in their thirties - will remember the various crib sets we've made for Christmas, and the model fairy-tales, and the animal seats at one of our parties, with fake palm trees waving overhead. They will remember the prison warders I made, and the Roman emperors, not to mention the ten-foot nurse, doctor, gorilla, and dinosaur that I made over a few years, in our front room, to decorate a float in a local carnival, and to place around the Public Hall for a series of charity Jazz Dances.
I'd better stop now; but the children are very gifted, and they have also had lots of practice at all sorts of arts and crafts, and are capable of producing all sorts of well-designed objects.
15. "You didn't have a studio at this time. Where did you paint when you had small children?"
A SPARE ROOM
I mentioned that my husband's employers put us in a rented house for a few months, when our first baby was small. That's the only reason why I had a whole room in which to scatter my paints and canvasses for a short time. It was wonderful. I had never lived anywhere spacious; and I enjoyed every minute of my time in that room. After six months we were fortunate enough to buy our own first home, however; so we moved to a little 'semi' a mile away; and that's when my sick mother-in-law moved in; and my painting had to stop, anyway; so I just forgot about it, until life had changed in several ways, and I found myself further South, in another 'own home' - with older children and, for a short time, a spare room.
I pulled out my paints and canvasses yet again, and taught myself how to do glazes, in the style of the old masters: reds and browns glazed upon a green underpainting; and the effect was magical. But then my father -in-law became ill, and came to stay, taking over our spare room, of course. He was with us, 'off and on', for about two years. I had a third child, a beloved daughter, during that era, and was busier than ever. So that's when I decided to make time for a regular life-class, rather than give up completely yet again, or make fruitless attempts to paint at home.
AT THE DINING-TABLE
Later, when Grandpa was better, and the children were older, I decided to try to paint at home occasionally, in term-time. I spread a cloth and clean paper on the dining-table, and would work for two hours at a time, on water-colour flower paintings. But it all had to be cleared away if visitors came, or if someone else needed the room for a musical evening or a school project. Fortunately, I am able to concentrate fiercely, and am fairly prolific. There was no question of waiting until I was 'in the mood' for painting, any more than an opera singer has to get 'into the mood' to sing. She knows she must practise, and that she has limited time. I knew I must paint; so when I had an hour or two, I did it.
Of course, that was only possible because I tackled such ordinary subjects as flowers and still life. If I'd been trying to 'dream up' pictures about fantasy worlds, or was composing mythical scenes, or meaningful 'statements' in paint about marriage, or Creation, I might have had to wait for inspiration. But that was not my 'scene'. I loved what I did, and had no desire to do anything differently - except to explore various mediums and to improve my artists's 'eye' and my techniques. I experimented with charcoal and pastels, and did a few landscapes, after taking some water-colours with me on family holidays abroad. But mostly I loved to paint at home, when possible.
STILL-LIFES
My mother spent the last year of her life with us, in 1980; and one of the still-lifes I did at that time brought enormous joy to her, indirectly, in her last illness, and to me, and to the rest of the family. My 'Apples on Gingham' was a bright, cheerful, detailed water-colour, and was selected and hung by the Royal Academy for its Summer Exhibition, in 1984. My mother gleefully talked about it to her friends as she sat in the back garden, resting, and enjoying the sunshine and the flowers.
16. "How did you feel having a painting in the Summer Exhibition at the Royal Academy?"
A 'REAL' ARTIST
It was exciting to have a painting accepted in 1984 at the Royal Academy; in fact, two were selected, and one hung. But the 'Apples on gingham' that was hung, and sold, was featured in the illustrated catalogue. That made my family really happy. The entire business confirmed my 'idea' of myself as an artist; but I hope it did not make me proud, for the simple reason that I believe our gifts come from God. It was He Who allowed me this marvellous means of sharing joy and beauty; so it would be impertinent of me to congratulate myself for my skills, or for the hard work involved in doing something which He had made possible and which makes me very happy.
17. "You began to exhibit in a number of galleries around the country. Can you tell me a bit about some of these?"
AROUND THE COUNTRY
After exhibiting at the Mall Galleries, and the Royal Academy, I was sought out by the Seen Gallery, in Knightsbridge, and by a prestigious art gallery in Helmsley, York, and a few other places. My husband and I took a few paintings to these places; but I realised within a year or two that I was spreading my work rather thinly, and spending too much time on organisation; so I decided only to exhibit in London once a year, and to do book covers and greetings cards, which I could paint at home. It was fun to have gone out and about on a few trips to other galleries. It was a new experience for me to be treated as a professional artist and not as someone with a 'hobby'. I was married in 1963, in an era when a housewife - which I was not ashamed to call myself - was regarded as a very lowly life-form in a world of interesting men; so it felt good to be respected for what I had done with so much thought and effort. I'm a normal human being who enjoys the ordinary successes in everyday life; but I had no desire to be even better known, in the art world, or more successful in worldly terms.
LIMITED TIME
My life and my talents came from God. My husband's generous help gave me art materials, and encouragement. And my first concern was doing God's Will, and He wanted me to give my ordinary duties first place in my life, for His sake, and my family's happiness; so I was quite content with the amount of work I was able to do, indeed, very grateful that I could fit in so much. But I learned from experience that the more time I gave to painting the lower the quality of our family meals, for example. I had to find a healthy balance, neither making a martyr of myself for the sake of domestic work, nor neglecting a deserving family so that I could have a bit more glory. Some people might have managed more painting than I did, but I had poor health, as I've had to say; and I could never refuse to nurse a sick parent. So my time was taken up in ways which other women have perhaps not needed to experience.
18. "Why it is that you began doing still-life paintings of flowers and fruit?"
NEVER-ENDING BEAUTY
I've done a lot of flower-painting because in everyday life I try to practise what I call the 'Art of the possible'. I do find joy in looking at flowers. I am still amazed when tulips emerge each year from a bare, muddy patch in the garden. They are like living sculptures in all sorts of textures, materials and colours. So I've painted flowers to capture their beauty - but also because they were available.
From my garden I used to collect the anemones I'd planted, and red-violet magnolia blooms - and I'd request honeysuckle from my neighbour in the bungalow next door. And there were roses behind the house, and many more blooms, with cherries hanging on the branch just near the washing line. So there was a never-ending supply of floral 'models'; and I learned a tremendous amount about flowers, and their funny ways. Some open widely almost a minute after they have taken up water from a vase, whereas others last for days, with very little movement of the petals. I painted these at the dining table, as I said earlier; and in those days it was easy to clear away a few paints, and move a vase of flowers, if it was time for a family meal or a homework session.
THE MALL GALLERIES
The other reason I stuck to flowers for a few years was that I'd learned how to value my time. I mean that I'd realised we cannot become proficient in every area of art, if we want to do really splendid work. We have to specialise. I was not so ambitious for fame as an artist that I was willing to ignore my family to achieve some sort of glory; but I did want to do well whatever I did most; and so I decided in the late 1970s to concentrate on flowers, to send work to a London art exhibition once a year, and to see whether I could reach a professional standard.
The result was that my water-colour still-lifes and flower-paintings were quite soon selected for hanging at the Mall Galleries, with the Royal Institute of Water-colours. Then when a Society of Botanical Artists was first formed in London, in the early 1980s, I was selected on the basis of my work to become a Founder-member. It was a great honour; and I showed work with the S.B.A. for several years, in London, and in Wells, Guildford, and other venues. I even won an art award, which was presented to me by the Mayor of Westminster, when our annual SBA Exhibitions had moved from the Mall Galleries to Westminster Central Hall.
19. "You also did landscapes and portraits. Did you enjoy doing these?"
STRESS AND STRAIN
The portraits I had done a little earlier, in the 1970s, brought me tremendous satisfaction - but only when I had finished them. I was thrilled to find that I could capture a likeness, by careful observation. But I found the interaction with a sitter distracting - with all the chat, and the provision of cups of coffee, and discussions about clothing, for example. And I loathed the actual process of painting portraits. It was nerve-racking, until I had the likeness, and had pleased the sitter to some degree, and could finally relax. It was wonderful when I finally decided to call a halt. I had been reluctant to refuse commissions at first, because the requests came from friends eager to have me 'capture' their loved ones. And, as I said, it was satisfying not just to produce such work, but also to have some cash that I had earned. Frankly, it was nice to be able to spend money without having to explain every purchase. Many housewives feel the same, no matter how generous their husbands might be. When life became busier, however, and when I had poor health, as well, it was easier to say 'No - I can't manage it', when next I was asked to pop round to a nearby street to draw a wriggling five-year-old.
DIFFICULT CONDITIONS
It was wonderful to paint landscapes, on the rare occasions when I could organise the children, guarantee transport, have a lovely scene before me, enjoy good health, and have a whole hour in which to produce something worthwhile. Those conditions came together so rarely, however, that I had to find a new way of doing landscapes; and by persistence, I succeeded.
The worst problem was lack of time in front of a scene. On holiday with the family I rarely had ten minutes alone, to concentrate. We toured a lot, and were always on the move. So I put aside my large water-colour pad, and carried a small sketch-book with me everywhere, so that I could record a number of brief, five-second glimpses from a car window or a café doorway, in a few scribbled lines of pencil or biro. These were saved up until I was home, when I made larger, coloured versions of the best of those scenes, from memory, prompted by my miniature sketch.
PRACTICAL DIFFICULTIES
I have dozens of these little water-colours. And I used them as a source of inspiration for doing even larger landscapes later on, when I went back to oils, and even undertook a bit of painting-knife work. But for the reasons given above - and because of poor health, which meant I couldn't march across fields to find a perfect spot, or carry loads of equipment around, I saw landscape painting just as one of my side-lines, but never as my main preoccupation. I enjoy doing landscapes. There is none of the stress in doing then that I associate with portrait painting. But I rarely do them nowadays, simply because I am so busy with my religious paintings.
I believe I was actually on the brink of a new way of landscape painting, with drastic simplification of forms, and brilliant colours. A few of my miniatures had a 'stained glass' look about them, in having those qualities. That is what I was aiming for when I did some large versions with a painting knife, as I'll describe further on. But when the religious paintings took priority the landscapes had to be left behind.
A LOCAL SCENE
Having just written that, I must now contradict myself. I've just surprised myself - in 2006 - by tackling a 'landscape' I've been unable to resist. It hardly qualifies for that title, as it's a view of a row of bushes by the side of the very road in which I live today. Every morning in June, each year, on my way to church for Mass, I pass a garden in which the fence-top is hidden beneath a weight of blossoms of astonishing colours, which make me praise God every day for them - especially as the central delight is blue. It is a tree with blue blossom so bright that it sets off the yellow forsythia on the left and the rose-red blossoms on the right, as if starting a pageant in celebration of summer. I could not go past it for yet another year, without making an effort. So I found half an hour for a sketch, last month, and half an hour for a little water-colour; and I now have a souvenir of one of my favourite 'landscapes', though I probably won't do another for a long time.
20. "When did you start to do commercial work?"
THE ROYAL ACADEMY
Although I had sold a number of paintings over the years, it was only after the Royal Academy Exhibition in 1984 that I really saw myself as a professional artist. It became necessary to have a fairly large correspondence, and to keep accounts. Then when I was asked to do greetings cards, and bookcovers, I had reps coming to the house for occasional meetings; and was glad I could make them welcome in my studio and not have to disturb the family at meal-times, for example.
That period of life did not last for very long however, by my own deliberate choice, as I'll explain further on. As I consider all the changes and different projects and surprises that I'll be describing in the next few pages, it's interesting for me to note that I can honestly say that I've never suffered a moment of 'empty nest' syndrome, as the children one by one went away to do further studies at university. We all remained very close; and they have returned here to live from time to time; so when I began the religious paintings and I felt obliged to explain their origin, the children were very interested and understanding - so much so, as I shall tell, that they eventually became involved in aspects of my work.
21. "What kind of pictures did you sell?"
GREETINGS CARDS
During the 1980s I sold a great number of flower paintings and still-lifes, and an occasional sketch of another subject: doves, or a scene in France, for example. I loaned the copyright of a few pictures, for limited periods, to some publishers, for Christmas and other greetings cards, and for a handful of book covers. It was flattering to see my work in print; but that turned out to be the aspect of art I least enjoyed, because of having to discuss fees and permissions, and technical problems. It is so much more pleasant for any artist to do what really makes the heart sing - and then, if someone likes that original work, to let it go, and to start another, knowing that you've given joy to an individual. I didn't want the 'glory' of having my pictures on hundreds of hotel walls, or on the shelves of thousands of newsagents. It was enough for me to be like a good carpenter who pleases a customer who likes the well-made table he sees in the carpenter's shop.
It did feel good to earn a little money of my own, though there was little profit, really, in that short time, when set against my expenses. Canvasses, oils, and good quality paper and water-colours are not cheap; and one decision I'd made earlier was that, if possible, I would not use shoddy materials. It seemed best to make work that would last; after all, I wouldn't spend a lot of time hand-sewing a dress if the fabric were going to fall apart a year or two later on.
22. "When did you first have a studio, and what was it like?"
A FIRST STUDIO
When my husband was more settled in his permanent job, he decided we could afford to convert our garage into an extra room, and to build a carport onto the other side of the house. So within a few months of his decision a new door led from our downstairs cloakroom to a rectangular, medium-sized room which we had agreed to share. He had the nearer end as his study, with worktops on which he could pile the notes he might need at a moment's notice. And I had the far end, next to the front window, with lots of light, for my paintings.
We were both content, though it was a bit cramped. We used to joke about the 'mid-line'. When I was involved in a big art project, my paraphernalia would creep towards his worktop; and when he was snowed under by paperwork, I would find my belongings pushed further into my half-studio; but it was all amicable; and I was grateful not to have to paint on the dining table.
ANOTHER HOUSE
My husband felt so settled in our town that he decided one day that we should move to an even nicer house; and so we went across town to a lovely road, closer to my local Catholic church that I'd already attended for years. But I was going to find other joys stemming from the move. My mother had been seriously ill, and came to live with us almost as soon as we had moved in; and since I had learned from experience that we each need to make our own 'space' in family life, if we are not to become gloomy about noise or lack of 'territory' for certain works, I plucked up courage and had a very tiny studio built.
All we did was to fill in a porch at the back of the house. I had blinds put in, and a radiator, and a table and chair. There was no room for much else; but I did dozens of water-colour paintings in that little space. Whenever domestic duties could halt for half-an-hour, I was able to do a water-colour wash or two, since my equipment hadn't had to be cleared away for a meal. And this lessened the risk of my feeling a bit martyred at being busy going up and down stairs to my sick mother, when I myself was unwell. I knew I had all sorts of blessings in my life, but I was glad I'd been pro-active at last, to make a bit of space for 'Art'.
A LARGER SPACE
Though I had never fulfilled my mother's dream of having a daughter at the Slade School of Art, I had been able, unexpectedly, to give her even greater joy, by having work chosen for the R.A.'s Summer Exhibition. She revelled in telling all her friends, as I mentioned earlier. And it was her delight in my artistic 'success', and the fact that several galleries then asked for my work, and my need for a larger space, that helped me in my next big decision.
Sad to say, my mother died later that year. But when we had sorted out my mother's belongings, I found that she had left me an amount of money which my husband generously doubled; and that's why I plucked up courage to have a little room built on to our breakfast room, and to furnish it as a proper studio for myself. My husband enjoyed chatting about my work to his friends. So this was a family project; and the children were interested in having a 'proper artist' for a Mum. They were teenagers, but I still preferred to paint mainly in their term-times, and tried never to 'shoo' anyone away.
SETTLING DOWN
Within a few years we had three armchairs in the studio, as well as my worktops, easel and equipment. It was and is a very cosy place for us to meet. It is far pleasanter than the living-room at the other end of the house. The studio has proved invaluable. It's a plain room, with a pitched roof, windows on one side, and a French window set in another wall. It has been thrilling to have somewhere of my own.
SEVERAL CANVASSES
Whenever I've planned to do a large series of oil paintings, however, as I have done four or five times in the last fifteen years, I've asked my husband if I can take over the dining-room for a few months, so I can work on ten or twelve canvasses at once. We usually eat in the kitchen; and we no longer have formal dinner-parties; so he has kindly agreed. I have been able to spread an old carpet across the dining room, to spare the pale carpet already there; and it's been a great advantage to have that much room in which to do a series of related images, and to be able to see several of them at once, as they develop. Of course, it's important in oils to let the paint dry before you put on another layer. So that's why, if I'm waiting, I like to start another picture, then another, until I have a few that I can work on all together. I have no trouble at all in focusing on what's in front of me, at a moment's notice. I don't seem to need to 'immerse' myself in a single image, in order to make decisions about its progress.
23. "What kind of different mediums did you work in, and why did you choose to work in certain ones more than others?"
DIFFERENT CHOICES
A housewife who decides to spend some of her time on a particular hobby or special interest has to learn what I've mentioned earlier: 'the Art of the Possible'; in other words, there are some parameters beyond which she cannot go - or does not wish to go - without neglecting her basic duties. So it was only after 'weighing' my ordinary duties, many years ago, that I made decisions about how long my painting sessions should last, and what sort of mediums I would use. And I've had to make changes and adjustments, of course, as the pattern of family life has changed.
Before I discuss the subject of materials, however, I need to say that the central idea in my life for nearly forty years, since I became a practising Christian, at twenty-one, and then a Catholic when I was twenty-five, has been to do God's Will, which includes - by my own free choice - pleasing my husband, and making my children happy, and caring for some relations. Painting could be 'fitted in', if I had time; but I was determined it would not lead to neglect of my duties. I've done a lot of home-cooking, which we have all enjoyed, and meals for visitors, and parties at home for my husband's work colleagues. We have had a hectic social life - and of course I have enjoyed some wonderful friendships, which have taken up some time. I have had correspondence and all sorts of other things to manage. So when I was too busy to cope with oils - which have to be used quite soon after they are squeezed out, or they become hard - I used to switch to water-colours. I tried pastels, and was riveted by the clear colours, and the swiftness with which I could cover a large area with a brilliant hue; but in a crowded house I wanted to make 'tamper-proof' artworks; and I knew that pastels would need immediate glazing, and very careful storage; so I gave up the idea of using them for any large body of work.
FULL-COLOUR WORK
It was always enjoyable to use a drawing pen or a pencil, on holiday, if I had a spare minute, or at concerts. I used to sit and draw the instrumentalists. I once sat in our High Street sketching for an hour when a troupe of Morris dancers performed outside a local pub. I have hundreds of sketches, from such occasions; but two things held me back from doing more. First, the fact that I needed to spend most of my time at home. The children were older, but I was very unwell for long periods of time, and could not walk very far, by this stage of my life, in my forties. Secondly, I have almost always felt disappointed when looking at a monochrome work, even my own.
I could appreciate my own skill, as I could appreciate the skill of other artists who worked in pen, pencil, or charcoal - which I tried - or woodcut; but I had an inner unspoken yearning to see colour in each illustration before me. In choosing a book to read, as a child, I consciously avoided those that had only black and white illustrations. And in adult life I had never been able to see the 'artistic value' of black and white 'Art' films. After all, real life is in colour.
A PREFERENCE FOR PAINT
It seems to me that some of my pencil sketches are amongst the best work I've ever done, precisely because I dashed them off, with a vigour and confidence that came from not thinking about composing a picture but just from reacting to a stimulus, with great concentration and speed. Nevertheless, I feel disappointed because they are not full-colour works. So it would not occur to me to make a great 'series' of sketches. I've used paint at every possible opportunity.
24. "Did you do any sculpture at this time, or any other kind of art?"
CARNIVAL FIGURES
As I reminisce about sculpture, I begin to see that marble-carving is not the only sort of 'real' sculpture I've done. I've come to see, in recent years, that many of the works I produced for the children and other people, for fun, were in fact sculptures.
The larger-than-life-size models I made for carnivals, Jazz dances and childrens' events would not have looked out of place in a modern art show; so I can say that, yes, I have made sculptures in chicken wire, and in papier-maché made from old newspapers and wall-paper paste, the mixture then being dried and carefully decorated. I also made wood frames on which to hang various fabrics, for special decorative figures for various occasions.
A BRONZE HEAD
I have done quite a lot of modelling in plasticine over the years, though it was not my main preoccupation. It was suggested to me by a local doctor that I could sculpt a head of Thomas Hodgkin, of Hodgkin's disease fame. The bust I made was eventually cast in bronze; and in the 1990's a copy of it was on display in a Radiotherapy Department in London.
A MODEL OF JERUSALEM
When my daughter was small, I modelled a head of a little girl in Plasticine - but not as a portrait, just as a tender glimpse of young girl-hood. And when I returned from my first visit to Israel, overwhelmed by the wonderful sights I'd seen, connected with Christ's life, I attempted a scale model of Jerusalem in ancient times. It took about a month to make - about fourteen inches square, on a wooden board; but none of us really knows what the city walls were like, in Jesus's lifetime. I hope I was right about the topography, however - the walls and valleys, and open spaces. It was certainly instructive for me, as I did the modelling, to learn even more about the various palaces and tombs and other features of the city in Biblical days. This too was modelled in Plasticine; but I have not yet thought about having it cast. And high on one of my shelves I have a Christ-figure I modelled a few years ago, at Christ's request, so that a crucifix can be made one day with that particular 'corpus'. But I cannot pursue too many art 'avenues' at once, and have no plans to do further modelling.
25. "At this time, was any of your art abstract, and did you do much religious artwork?"
ABSTRACT PAINTERS
As far as I remember, I've never produced any totally abstract art-work. For me, painting is about communicating what I see, know or feel about an idea, person, or object. So although I respect the intentions of certain well-known abstract painters, and even enjoy the calm colours of a Rothko, for example, and the bright areas of a Sandra Blow, I cannot really study a Gillian Ayres, for example, without wishing she'd made it all a bit clearer; and I've no desire to produce abstract work. For me, it goes against what I think art is 'for'. I feel towards it what I feel towards modern a-tonal music. I can see that it is 'clever' and interesting; and I respect the composers. But I don't like to listen to it. Music, for me, should be stirring, invigorating, or beautiful or deeply moving; and I am merely irritated by listening to the sounds made by dustbin lids and other 'found' objects, or to a composition that has no discernible melody.
RELIGIOUS ILLUSTRATIONS
In the years when I was busy with gallery work each summer, producing very detailed flower-paintings, occasional family portraits, and - for my own enjoyment - these miniature landscapes I've mentioned, I did almost no religious work. I produced only a few 'Madonna' pictures now and then, for Christmas cards; and I did this simply by painting 'every-woman' with a pleasant face and a veil. I did nothing that spoke of my search for and knowledge of God, though I did do a few illustrations to please an old friend.
STATIONS OF THE CROSS
It was in the 1980's, and someone requested a favour of me, which I could not refuse. I made no money from it, though I hope that the writer did, for his church. A Catholic priest whom I'd known for many years asked if I'd do some sketches of 'The Stations of the Cross', so that he could make a pamphlet for his parishioners, for Lenten meditations. These were drawings which pictured Christ in the week before His suffering and death - and in His Resurrection. Of course, I can't 'dream up' scenes, as I've said; so I asked my children to pose, with all sorts of drapery, as I took photos; and I juggled the figures to suggest groups of Apostles or Holy Women, and did a series of drawings. It was very pedestrian, but my friend was pleased with it; and when I produced some monochrome water-colours of the same scenes, at his request, the following year, I learned that Collins the publishers were willing to make a booklet of my illustrations, with the priest's written meditations.
I was glad to hear that it had helped his parishioners; but once again, I realised that I prefer not to work to commission, even though I want to be helpful. So I decided not to do any more illustrations, but to do only what really fascinated me. Life was hectic enough, without doing work that I thought was not particularly good, and not strictly necessary.
26. "In the late 1980's your style changed a lot, and you began doing more religious work. Can you tell me why this change came about?"
DECLINING STRENGTH
A great change came about in my painting, in the late 1980s, for a simple reason. I was ill and rather weak, and found it difficult to sit up for long. In total, it used to take me about eighteen hours to paint one of the detailed flower-paintings I'd produced for a few years. The quality of my work diminished, simple because of the physical demands of that sort of work. And since I could not offer anyone second-best, I deliberately decided to stop painting flowers and still-lifes and therefore to stop sending such work to exhibitions. But since the sharing of beauty with others, through paint, was important to me I also decided to try something new.
Remembering my old art-master's slogan - "Use a big brush!"- I hoped that if I returned to oil paints, using large brushes that could cover the canvas quickly, I wouldn't become so tired. Of course, I couldn't do flowers in that way. Some painters had managed to do so, but it didn't attract me; so I had to think of another subject for my experiment. My free time was still limited; so I was not prepared to spend my time on subjects which were simply frivolous or silly. That's why I thought carefully about what was most important in my life, besides God, and the family; and I hit upon the subject of prayer. Was it possible, I asked myself, just to 'put down' in oils what I knew of prayer?
THINKING ABOUT PRAYER
At that moment I was thinking solely of what those of us who pray describe as the 'light' and 'darkness' of prayer. I knew from experience that if we approach God in imageless adoration, in sorrow for sin, combined with gratitude for His love and for all His gifts, He leads us on a spiritual journey closer towards Himself. It is true that, in one sense, He is already close, holding everyone in existence; yet He is especially close to those in Whom He dwells by Baptism; and there are times when He is experienced almost as a light at the end of a tunnel of loneliness, in the soul. It was that light that I decided to paint, with large brushes, using yellows and dark blues, in what was, temporarily, an abstract painting.
I was thrilled with the result, which, as a completed painting, would become No. 2 on the 'Holy Sacrifice of the Mass' poster: "LORD, HAVE MERCY." It seemed to convey something of the awe I'd felt on being drawn closer to God. It hinted at the contrast between His holiness - shown as light - and the sad, oppressive darkness of the human condition, in which He works to transform us. Yet I knew that another person, seeing my picture, would need to have it explained, or it could be mistaken for a storm at sea, or anything else connected with light and darkness; and, as I said earlier, I believe paintings should not usually need long explanations. That's why I was not prepared to leave it abstract, but decided to put in a row of figures, just to show that this was about people hesitantly approaching the Source of all glory, which is to say, the Godhead.
As soon as I'd done that, I was content. The picture now spoke for itself; and so I decided to tackle a new aspect of prayer, by painting a figure bowing down in adoration before an unseen Being. That eventually became "GLORY BE TO GOD", in cool blues, with pale yellow light.
THE MASS PAINTINGS
I was so excited at producing a vivid image, and doing it so swiftly, that I decided to embark on a series of prayer-pictures, indeed, on a series about what Catholics know as The Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.
At around that time, I made a short artistic 'detour' by using painting knives and oils, to produce a further version of the 'LORD HAVE MERCY' - and a semi-abstract river-bank scene, and two views of the Sea of Marmara, that I'd sketched on a family holiday in Turkey. I liked the results, but knew I could do more exciting work if I used brushes; so I went back to my new series, to concentrate on the Mass. This was purely for the joy of it. I had not a thought in my head about sales or book-covers. It was undertaken out of love for painting, love for God and for the Mass, and love for beauty in colour and line.
As I planned the next painting and pondered the whole matter of making religious images, I felt compelled to face up to a new development in my spiritual life which had been puzzling me, and which I had spoken about to no-one. I would still not speak about it, for a further five or six years; but I suddenly realised how peculiar it was, that on one level of my mind I was asking myself how to 'paint' prayer, while in my memory I now held dozens of images about God and prayer and the spiritual life: images that had sometimes been placed by God 'into' my soul as I had prayed, in the past few years, and which I had honestly tried to ignore.
RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCES
For those who read this, who are sceptical about religious experience, I have to say that it is part of the Catholic tradition that although we might be surprised by various experiences of God, we should be cautious about personal religious phenomena, and unusual prayer-experiences. That is why I had instinctively pushed these images aside, to concentrate on loving and adoring God. But I could not eject them from my memory. And now I saw that since I believed it was God Who had given me such simple yet wonderful images, and since I was a painter, it would be frankly silly not to record them - even if it was not yet appropriate to tell anyone. I had no wish to boast about a special inspiration for my pictures, although that was in fact the truth of it. So the new pictures I now decided to do were oil versions of what had already been given to me in prayer, at times when my thoughts were wholly on God, not on myself or my leisure time.
A COMPLETE SET
When I'd painted eighteen large oils in this series, I paused - then did two more to complete the set. They were colourful and impressionistic, rather like the large joyful images I'd done in powder-colour as a teenager; yet there was something more about them. I was awed, looking at the whole set. I had never dreamed I could produce work of such power and beauty - and I was grateful both for the powerful images I'd received from God, and for the opportunity to have made some of them 'concrete'. I had dozens more, all held in my memory, ready for when I had time to record them.
27. "Why did you stop your commercial work at a certain point?"
GOD-GIVEN PICTURES
At around that time my energy was flagging. I decided to call a halt to all commercial work. I no longer did greetings cards. And though I was persuaded to allow the 'LORD HAVE MERCY' to be used as a cover, on a religious book, I realised that I could not use the other pictures, the God-given pictures, for commercial gain. So I asked my accountant to wind up my little business. It was a relief no longer to have to keep accounts, or correspond with people about sales. Indeed, it was wonderful just to be free to paint what I genuinely thought was significant; and it was plain to me that my God-given images were tremendously important to encourage people in the Faith, even though I had only managed to put a few down, so far.
AT A SPECIAL STAGE
It might help some people who are interested in the paintings if I explain something about the time of life at which I received the images. I mean the precise time in my spiritual life, when I was in my early forties. It was a point of greater knowledge of my own nature and my own weaknesses yet, at the same moment, of greater awareness of God's goodness, mercy and generosity. I said earlier that the Lord had taught me for many years, in soundless, non-visual 'teachings', long before He began to give me images which He later told me were for sharing with other people. He later showed me, also, that He had not just chosen any passing artist, to 'zap' her with pictures for a few years, so that she could do a particular job then go back to her old way of prayer. The 'teachings' I had been receiving in a silent and extraordinary manner were a 'normal' part of the contemplative journey to which He had called me, and which I had undertaken, if reluctantly at times. Then I learned that the images He next gave me were also a 'normal' feature - but 'normal' for a further stage of the spiritual life: a stage which I did not reach until 1985, when Christ amazed me by an experience that, He later assured me, had been our 'spiritual Betrothal'.
A SPECIAL ROLE
On the 11th of December of that year, after I had made a new surrender to Christ, out of love for Him, when this meant enduring specific difficulties, I met Him in Person, in prayer, in a new way. I was utterly astonished by His radiance and kindness, by our intimacy, and by His gifts to me, and His words of comfort and reassurance. And I received a gift of joy from Him which was the fruit of our closer communion. It is a joy that has carried me through every trial since then, including some really horrible physical and spiritual experiences. Only when that new stage was well-established, in 1986, in a period that some classical authors of prayerbooks label a time of 'Illumination', did the Lord give me images in prayer. Then He began to explain, little by little, the special role He was inviting me to fulfil after a long spiritual training. And when I really understood what He was saying about His gifts, I understood what He meant when He also said that His gifts of teachings and images will continue all my life, for as long as I am able to pray, and to receive them, if God chooses.
This is the way of life I lead, daily, with Christ. It is one in which, after many years of trials and spiritual training in union with Christ and His Church, I find I have an on-going conversation with Christ, in which He chooses to give me daily encouragement, and also teachings to share with other people. In it, He gives me gifts to share with other people, at a time of special need in the Church's long history.
TIME FOR PRAYER
Christ has told me that other people have received 'teachings'. But those were mostly given in past times, when people prayed more. He has given me a great many, however, for especially-troubled times. He has said that He wants people today to grow in communion with Him, but even many Catholics need to give more time to prayer.
I cannot feel proud at having prayed a lot. I've only been able to do this, first, because I am very conscious of how much God does for all of us. After all, He is our Creator and Saviour; and it seems rude just to give Him bits of left-over time, on a whim. That's why I felt I must make a firm commitment to daily prayer, a commitment I've never broken, no matter what turmoil or messes I've created in my life. Secondly, I know I'm a weak person who needs God's help, if I am to change in the way He wishes. Thirdly, I've been ill a great deal, which, weirdly, has meant I've had more time for prayer than if I had been a healthy woman working an eighteen hour day; and my illness has even driven me to Christ more frequently, for help in my pain and misery. Fourthly, I've recognised that if I made anything at all in my life more important than Christ and the ordinary duties He expects His friends to fulfil, I would be putting up a barrier between Himself and myself. That is why I could not let painting become a private obsession that took me away from my duties instead of a wonderful occupation that I could enjoy whenever possible, or leave on one side until times were more auspicious.
And those times arrived, to my surprise. Then it became plain why Christ has given me so many teachings and images about prayer.
REAL FRIENDSHIP
He has shown me, many times, that unless we pray regularly we cannot come to know Him well. That is the simple truth, despite the 'glow' we might feel if we do a lot of active work for love of Him. Through prayer, we come to know Him in Person - if we approach Him with humility and reverence. If we look lightly upon our sins, and are not prepared to give them up, or if we show little reverence towards Him, Who is our God and Creator, and died for us, we shall be putting up barriers between Him and ourselves and proving that we do not put Him very high on our list of priorities.
28. "While you were doing the first of the 'prayer paintings', did you continue with your other artwork, such as flower painting and portraits, or landscapes?"
ONLY RELIGIOUS WORK
The prayer-paintings were so satisfying to do that I rarely painted flowers again, or portraits; and if I did so it was rarely up to my old standard of detailed work. Just as I'd decided not to exhibit at galleries all round the country, I now decided not to keep working in several mediums, but to stick to oils, and to do prayer-paintings for a while, and to see where that led me. Besides, there simply hasn't been time - though I've 'made' time for occasional posters, quick sketches, anniversary cards or miniatures as gifts.
I hardly ever read a novel; and I watch very few films nowadays, compared with earlier years, now that I know how important the work is, for encouraging people in the Faith. I'm aware that for every idle half-hour I pass, I could have done a couple more religious sketches from the backlog that has built up in recent illness. Though I try to make time for friends, and leisure, I'm always aware of the work still unfinished.
29. "Can you explain how Johannes von Itten's colour theory has influenced your painting?"
A NEW CONFIDENCE
In the late 1980's, around the time when I was producing the first Mass paintings, I undertook a determined study of colour theory, so that I would waste less time on what some call experiment and I call guess-work. My father taught me to 'look things up' if ever I found myself ignorant of one thing or another. So I took a train to London, and found what I wanted on the shelves of Foyles bookshop. I should have done it, years before; but I bought a book by Johannes von Itten on his own colour theory – which seems better to me than Goethe's theory, or someone else's. Von Itten's seemed the most coherent and easy-to-follow. And during several months, at home, that winter, I learned a lot about split complementaries, analogous tones, and simultaneous contrasts, and all sorts of fascinating aspects of the subject. It was almost like a conversion, or the experience of being able to speak in another language, suddenly to be able to see some reasoning and clarity in an aspect of art that had always seemed to give rise to puzzlement or confusion.
COLOUR HARMONY
When I began to use all sorts of rectangles and squares, superimposed upon a twelve-segment colour-wheel, I realised that there were sound reasons for my excitement on seeing one colour combination whilst feeling distaste for another combination. In discovering the logic of colour harmony and contrast - as a musician might learn musical theory - I was freed from the need to make endless unhappy guesses, about what to put where, in order to capture the mood or the experience I wanted to share. I made dozens of little colour charts, in accordance with von Itten's advice; and everything I did and learned contributed to the power of some of my later paintings, and left me full of gratitude for having uncovered such knowledge, so late in my life.
A NEW DISCOVERY
The only reason I came across Von Itten was because I went to the 'Art' section in a bookshop, and looked for a sub-section called 'Colour' - and found what I needed. That's what life is like sometimes. Something suddenly occurs that has never occurred before; and if you follow up that thought, and act upon it, you make a discovery that can change your life, or some aspect of it, for the better.
30. "How did your pictures change after you started to apply von Itten's colour theory?"
FEWER MISTAKES
Plainly, my pictures changed a lot. I no longer felt I should stick to 'safe' colour combinations, but was given courage to use all sorts of hues and tones that I'd never used before. Then I decided to prepare for each new oil painting by making a few full-colour water-colour notes on a single sheet of paper, so that I could choose the most appropriate colour theme for a particular subject, rather than launch straight into a huge oil, only to find I'd made a bad colour choice. I now have hundreds of these little colour notes and find them very useful.
31. "Was it difficult at first to find the best way of applying von Itten's colour theory to your work?"
MORE CREATIVITY
It was not difficult to make the transition from guesswork to more confident work in colour. I suppose it was like my attempts at cooking, when I was first married. I could throw a few ingredients together, for a few months, and produce meals, though not always nice ones. But once I bought a good recipe book, I was able to cook with a new confidence. Almost every meal was tasty; and the recipes did not chain me but liberated me. From their 'rules', I could move further on, and become truly creative, once I'd learned the principles of cookery. And so with painting; the colour theory freed me to be more confident and then to work out my own favourite colour combinations and theories.
32. "You were influenced by von Itten in knowing how to match certain colours to others, but how did you come to a decision about which whole colour schemes to use, i.e. why a painting may be generally green and blue rather than brown and orange?"
Von Itten's help was invaluable, in judging whether to make a particular painting an expression of harmony, or anguished contrasts. Yet the choices I made about colour were still my choices. If I decided on an utterly harmonious range of colours for a painting of the approach to Heaven, for example, I had no guidance from von Itten or anyone on whether to use six paled hues from one side of the colour chart, or three intense adjacent hues from another side.
I learned to place a number of colour sketches beside a monochrome image, to see what sort of 'mood' was represented in the picture, or encouraged by it. Then I would decide, for example, whether a 'Heaven' painting would be best expressed through several pastel hues, or bands of intense yellow, yellow-orange and orange - perhaps with a touch of pale blue somewhere, to make the yellow 'sing' more brightly. So these were decisions to make from start to finish of every painting, though the original image had arrived in my soul as a free gift from God, and then remained in my memory.
33. "Did your use of colour change much during the years you first started using von Itten's colour theory?"
COLOUR AND SUBJECT MATTER
As the years went by, I became braver in my use of colour. I experimented a bit more. I also went to a gallery whenever I saw an interesting exhibition advertised, perhaps two or three each year. So I kept on trying to improve my painting; but there have been no drastic changes. My artistic life has become divided into pre-von Itten and post-von Itten eras; and it seems almost a miracle to me that the post-Itten era should be the same as the religious-painting era. Colour and subject-matter have come together to surprise me in a way I would never have dreamed of.
34. "What different kind of mediums did you work in with these new religious pictures?"
A HESITANT BEGINNING
When I decided to record the images I'd been given in prayer, I was awe-struck by some of them, particularly by 'Christ the Bridge', and others, that were like nothing I had ever seen before. Yet they were beautiful, it seemed to me, in their simplicity and truth. I felt so unworthy to have such a gift that - still telling no-one - I plucked up courage to make, within a single week, pen and ink sketches of the first seventy-seven images, from memory; then I continued with such sketches as further images were given to me in the same manner. A few, as I said, I reproduced in full-colour oils - and I re-did the whole collection later on, in monochrome water-colour, as I'll describe in a moment.
35. "Why did you choose to do the first large-scale paintings in oil rather than another medium?"
A SWIFT AND EFFECTIVE MEDIUM
As I mentioned earlier, I first did my large religious pictures in oils in order to get away from the time-consuming detailed style of my flower-paintings. I wanted a style that was swifter, when I tired so easily, yet which was powerful and beautiful; and it's possible to convey a lot in just a few strokes of oil, if one has made wise decisions about composition and colour. I'd better say here, however, that although I've mentioned 'canvasses' throughout this interview, it was in about 1988, as I thought about large religious works, that I decided to paint on board. Boards would be easier to prime than canvas; and I hoped that they would serve just as well for the sort of images I had in mind.
36. "Did you do a colour chart first before doing the oil painting?"
AVOIDING GUESS-WORK
Filled with fervour for the subject matter, I occasionally rushed to do a painting without first working out an approximate colour theme; and it rarely went well. I would find myself stuck, wondering whether to add one colour or another, to a particular area; and unless you actually put the paint on the board, or hold up to the board a piece of paper with the exact colour on it, you can't be sure of the effect. So I became more disciplined, from sheer common-sense, as I regretted the waste of time whenever I made mistakes. Sometimes I had to scrub out a section of a half-finished oil painting; or I even had to discard a picture and start again, if I had ruined an area that should have remained pale, by using on it one of the pigments that tends to stain the white primer.
37. "What would you call your style in the first 'Mass' series of oil paintings?"
A VIGOROUS STYLE
If I have to label the style of my Mass Paintings, I'd call them Expressionist pictures: not quite Fauve, but more vigorous and colourful, perhaps, than the Impressionist style; however, I was not trying to invent a style. The style arose, of itself, from the brushwork and colour I needed to use to convey that sort of experience and imagery.
38. "Were the first 'Mass Paintings' exhibited anywhere?"
PICTURES FOR MEDITATION
The then Rector of the local Anglican church of St. Nicholas asked if I'd allow the first eighteen Mass Paintings to be placed around his church interior for a few days. I think this was in 1992. Then, at the suggestion of the Administrator of Westminster Cathedral the complete set of twenty 'Mass Paintings' was hung in a side chapel of Westminster Cathedral for the whole of Holy Week in 1993.
I've no qualms about exhibitions of art in a church if it's for meditation, not sales, and if the pictures will add to the atmosphere of prayerful reverence and not detract from it. The same set of pictures was then exhibited in the Bar Convent Museum, in York, for about a month. I gave a talk on them, using slides, to a seven-hundred-strong group of Eucharistic Ministers who had gathered at York University for a day of recollection; and the images were well-received, and seemed to be helpful.
39. "Have other occasions arisen, when you have spoken at length about your religious art?"
SHARING GOOD NEWS
It has been satisfying to be able to speak about my work on many occasions, and even more satisfying to be able to proceed from talk and discussion to prayer, in different venues, with people who have beliefs and priorities in life similar to my own. Meanwhile, it's comforting to know that most people can access a lot of paintings through our non-profit sales of cards and books, and through our Web-site.
SPEAKING ABOUT THE WORK
There have been other occasions on which I've discussed my work, when I've been invited to a meeting of Confirmation candidates and their parents, for example, in another parish. Or I've been to a womens' group at a different church, or a Catholic Social Club or a nursing home; or I've led a retreat at a Catholic Boarding School. Merely listing these different venues makes me realise how good God has been not just in giving me images to paint, but also in giving me the words with which to describe them - and I don't mean just the 'Teachings' which accompany them in my prayer. I am referring to the fact that when I first became a Catholic I knew what I believed, but I could hardly string two words together to explain my beliefs to other people; and I was hesitant to talk about myself because I had been told as a child that it was rude to do so - and vulgar to talk about one's feelings or one's health. This must have been one of the reasons why the Lord - Who knows everything, and knows everything that's going to happen - intervened, to give me practice in speaking about Him and about prayer.
A LITTLE PAMPHLET
Christ invited me, in about 1990, to write a little pamphlet about the visions He'd given me in prayer. He asked this of me when I was in church as usual, for daily Mass. He asked me to show the booklet to my Parish Priest, and then to offer it to people I met, to encourage them to persevere in prayer and in love for Him. I was horrified at the thought of doing such a thing in my own town, where I'd lived for nearly twenty years; but I wanted to be obedient; and so I did initiate lots of encounters and conversations - some embarrassing, others heartening; but as this 'mission-work' went on, I found myself becoming more and more fluent and fearless in speaking about Christ even to strangers. And all that stood me in good stead, later on, when it became necessary for me to speak even further afield about the images He'd given me about the spiritual life.
40. "How did you feel to be exhibiting work that was so different from that which you had exhibited before?"
KEEPING IN TOUCH
It was strange, but exhilarating, to be sharing these new pictures. It was only then that I began to realise that there is a great lack of religious images to do with the Mass. Perhaps that was why the Lord was giving me so many of them. Indeed, He soon explained to me, for the first time, in the early Nineties, that the numerous 'teachings' and images that He was giving me in prayer were a gift to be shared widely in the Church, to help people in their Faith; and He asked me to speak about these things yet again to my Parish Priest. It was Christ's wish that as I began a work meant to help Church members I would in fact be closely in touch with those in authority in the Church. It was only courteous, after all, to keep them informed, through my then Parish Priest (who is now deceased). So I did as the Lord asked; and I was made much more confident about recording what the Lord gave me, by the priest's affirmation that it was a gift from God.
SHARING MY JOY
It became thrilling to share the work, because it satisfied me on a number of levels. First, I like to share whatever gives me joy. Secondly, I've always tried to share my Catholic Faith, with people who are willing to hear about it. Thirdly, the colours thrilled me and made much of my earlier work seem very dull. Fourthly, these pictures seemed to touch people very deeply; fifthly, I was painting pictures about things that were at the very heart of my life. I could live without flowers and landscapes, if I had to, but I would hate to think that I would ever live without God and prayer. I had almost been in that state, years before, and never wanted to return to it. Finally, I began to see that for the first time I really felt that in my art, I was doing more than just using skills, or entertaining myself, or giving pleasure to other people. I felt that what I was doing was really important for other people. I had no clear understanding of where the painting was going, but I felt fulfilled in a new way, as well as in an artistic way, to a depth I'd never before known in connection with art.
31. "Was it difficult at first to find the best way of applying von Itten's colour theory to your work?"
MORE CREATIVITY
It was not difficult to make the transition from guesswork to more confident work in colour. I suppose it was like my attempts at cooking, when I was first married. I could throw a few ingredients together, for a few months, and produce meals, though not always nice ones. But once I bought a good recipe book, I was able to cook with a new confidence. Almost every meal was tasty; and the recipes did not chain me but liberated me. From their 'rules', I could move further on, and become truly creative, once I'd learned the principles of cookery. And so with painting; the colour theory freed me to be more confident and then to work out my own favourite colour combinations and theories.
32. "You were influenced by von Itten in knowing how to match certain colours to others, but how did you come to a decision about which whole colour schemes to use, i.e. why a painting may be generally green and blue rather than brown and orange?"
Von Itten's help was invaluable, in judging whether to make a particular painting an expression of harmony, or anguished contrasts. Yet the choices I made about colour were still my choices. If I decided on an utterly harmonious range of colours for a painting of the approach to Heaven, for example, I had no guidance from von Itten or anyone on whether to use six paled hues from one side of the colour chart, or three intense adjacent hues from another side.
I learned to place a number of colour sketches beside a monochrome image, to see what sort of 'mood' was represented in the picture, or encouraged by it. Then I would decide, for example, whether a 'Heaven' painting would be best expressed through several pastel hues, or bands of intense yellow, yellow-orange and orange - perhaps with a touch of pale blue somewhere, to make the yellow 'sing' more brightly. So these were decisions to make from start to finish of every painting, though the original image had arrived in my soul as a free gift from God, and then remained in my memory.
33. "Did your use of colour change much during the years you first started using von Itten's colour theory?"
COLOUR AND SUBJECT MATTER
As the years went by, I became braver in my use of colour. I experimented a bit more. I also went to a gallery whenever I saw an interesting exhibition advertised, perhaps two or three each year. So I kept on trying to improve my painting; but there have been no drastic changes. My artistic life has become divided into pre-von Itten and post-von Itten eras; and it seems almost a miracle to me that the post-Itten era should be the same as the religious-painting era. Colour and subject-matter have come together to surprise me in a way I would never have dreamed of.
34. "What different kind of mediums did you work in with these new religious pictures?"
A HESITANT BEGINNING
When I decided to record the images I'd been given in prayer, I was awe-struck by some of them, particularly by 'Christ the Bridge', and others, that were like nothing I had ever seen before. Yet they were beautiful, it seemed to me, in their simplicity and truth. I felt so unworthy to have such a gift that - still telling no-one - I plucked up courage to make, within a single week, pen and ink sketches of the first seventy-seven images, from memory; then I continued with such sketches as further images were given to me in the same manner. A few, as I said, I reproduced in full-colour oils - and I re-did the whole collection later on, in monochrome water-colour, as I'll describe in a moment.
35. "Why did you choose to do the first large-scale paintings in oil rather than another medium?"
A SWIFT AND EFFECTIVE MEDIUM
As I mentioned earlier, I first did my large religious pictures in oils in order to get away from the time-consuming detailed style of my flower-paintings. I wanted a style that was swifter, when I tired so easily, yet which was powerful and beautiful; and it's possible to convey a lot in just a few strokes of oil, if one has made wise decisions about composition and colour. I'd better say here, however, that although I've mentioned 'canvasses' throughout this interview, it was in about 1988, as I thought about large religious works, that I decided to paint on board. Boards would be easier to prime than canvas; and I hoped that they would serve just as well for the sort of images I had in mind.
36. "Did you do a colour chart first before doing the oil painting?"
AVOIDING GUESS-WORK
Filled with fervour for the subject matter, I occasionally rushed to do a painting without first working out an approximate colour theme; and it rarely went well. I would find myself stuck, wondering whether to add one colour or another, to a particular area; and unless you actually put the paint on the board, or hold up to the board a piece of paper with the exact colour on it, you can't be sure of the effect. So I became more disciplined, from sheer common-sense, as I regretted the waste of time whenever I made mistakes. Sometimes I had to scrub out a section of a half-finished oil painting; or I even had to discard a picture and start again, if I had ruined an area that should have remained pale, by using on it one of the pigments that tends to stain the white primer.
37. "What would you call your style in the first 'Mass' series of oil paintings?"
A VIGOROUS STYLE
If I have to label the style of my Mass Paintings, I'd call them Expressionist pictures: not quite Fauve, but more vigorous and colourful, perhaps, than the Impressionist style; however, I was not trying to invent a style. The style arose, of itself, from the brushwork and colour I needed to use to convey that sort of experience and imagery.
38. "Were the first 'Mass Paintings' exhibited anywhere?"
PICTURES FOR MEDITATION
The then Rector of the local Anglican church of St. Nicholas asked if I'd allow the first eighteen Mass Paintings to be placed around his church interior for a few days. I think this was in 1992. Then, at the suggestion of the Administrator of Westminster Cathedral the complete set of twenty 'Mass Paintings' was hung in a side chapel of Westminster Cathedral for the whole of Holy Week in 1993.
I've no qualms about exhibitions of art in a church if it's for meditation, not sales, and if the pictures will add to the atmosphere of prayerful reverence and not detract from it. The same set of pictures was then exhibited in the Bar Convent Museum, in York, for about a month. I gave a talk on them, using slides, to a seven-hundred-strong group of Eucharistic Ministers who had gathered at York University for a day of recollection; and the images were well-received, and seemed to be helpful.
39. "Have other occasions arisen, when you have spoken at length about your religious art?"
SHARING GOOD NEWS
It has been satisfying to be able to speak about my work on many occasions, and even more satisfying to be able to proceed from talk and discussion to prayer, in different venues, with people who have beliefs and priorities in life similar to my own. Meanwhile, it's comforting to know that most people can access a lot of paintings through our non-profit sales of cards and books, and through our Web-site.
SPEAKING ABOUT THE WORK
There have been other occasions on which I've discussed my work, when I've been invited to a meeting of Confirmation candidates and their parents, for example, in another parish. Or I've been to a womens' group at a different church, or a Catholic Social Club or a nursing home; or I've led a retreat at a Catholic Boarding School. Merely listing these different venues makes me realise how good God has been not just in giving me images to paint, but also in giving me the words with which to describe them - and I don't mean just the 'Teachings' which accompany them in my prayer. I am referring to the fact that when I first became a Catholic I knew what I believed, but I could hardly string two words together to explain my beliefs to other people; and I was hesitant to talk about myself because I had been told as a child that it was rude to do so - and vulgar to talk about one's feelings or one's health. This must have been one of the reasons why the Lord - Who knows everything, and knows everything that's going to happen - intervened, to give me practice in speaking about Him and about prayer.
A LITTLE PAMPHLET
Christ invited me, in about 1990, to write a little pamphlet about the visions He'd given me in prayer. He asked this of me when I was in church as usual, for daily Mass. He asked me to show the booklet to my Parish Priest, and then to offer it to people I met, to encourage them to persevere in prayer and in love for Him. I was horrified at the thought of doing such a thing in my own town, where I'd lived for nearly twenty years; but I wanted to be obedient; and so I did initiate lots of encounters and conversations - some embarrassing, others heartening; but as this 'mission-work' went on, I found myself becoming more and more fluent and fearless in speaking about Christ even to strangers. And all that stood me in good stead, later on, when it became necessary for me to speak even further afield about the images He'd given me about the spiritual life.
40. "How did you feel to be exhibiting work that was so different from that which you had exhibited before?"
KEEPING IN TOUCH
It was strange, but exhilarating, to be sharing these new pictures. It was only then that I began to realise that there is a great lack of religious images to do with the Mass. Perhaps that was why the Lord was giving me so many of them. Indeed, He soon explained to me, for the first time, in the early Nineties, that the numerous 'teachings' and images that He was giving me in prayer were a gift to be shared widely in the Church, to help people in their Faith; and He asked me to speak about these things yet again to my Parish Priest. It was Christ's wish that as I began a work meant to help Church members I would in fact be closely in touch with those in authority in the Church. It was only courteous, after all, to keep them informed, through my then Parish Priest (who is now deceased). So I did as the Lord asked; and I was made much more confident about recording what the Lord gave me, by the priest's affirmation that it was a gift from God.
SHARING MY JOY
It became thrilling to share the work, because it satisfied me on a number of levels. First, I like to share whatever gives me joy. Secondly, I've always tried to share my Catholic Faith, with people who are willing to hear about it. Thirdly, the colours thrilled me and made much of my earlier work seem very dull. Fourthly, these pictures seemed to touch people very deeply; fifthly, I was painting pictures about things that were at the very heart of my life. I could live without flowers and landscapes, if I had to, but I would hate to think that I would ever live without God and prayer. I had almost been in that state, years before, and never wanted to return to it. Finally, I began to see that for the first time I really felt that in my art, I was doing more than just using skills, or entertaining myself, or giving pleasure to other people. I felt that what I was doing was really important for other people. I had no clear understanding of where the painting was going, but I felt fulfilled in a new way, as well as in an artistic way, to a depth I'd never before known in connection with art.
51. "Your prayer paintings seem to be more about some themes than others, why is this?"
THE LORD'S PLAN
If it seems that there is an over-emphasis on some aspects of the Catholic Faith, rather than on others, in the themes covered by these pictures, this is entirely the choice of the Lord, who teaches me. He knows what is needed today. He knows what His plans are, to remedy the current imbalance in the teaching of the Faith. He has told me that it is admirable that no Catholic child is in ignorance about the need to help our neighbour, especially the sick and needy. Yet it is lamentable, in His sight, that few children know about the marvel of His Real Presence in the Blessed Sacrament, or the horror of sin. He says that few Catholics are actively preparing for life in Heaven - which it is impossible for us to enter without love for God, and purification. So for these reasons, and others, there is a great emphasis on some themes and less emphasis on others. Yet no theme is entirely omitted. After all, the Lord intends this collection to be a Catechism in pictures.
52. "What are the other main themes in the prayer paintings?"
A CATECHISM IN PICTURES
There are so many themes explained and expressed in my paintings that it seems best to list several pages of subjects as an appendix at the end of this whole interview. Right now, I must repeat what the Lord has told me, that He has given me not a random selection of themes but an entire Catechism in pictures. He has done so in an age when few Catholics read religious books, when many of our churches have been stripped bare of imagery, and when many Catholics have received little instruction in the basic truths of the Catholic Faith. Anyone who has ever seen a Catechism will know that they consist of several sections, on God, the Church, prayer, and the moral life, and so on; and whoever looks through all of the images I've recorded will find something about every aspect of the Faith.
It shocks me to claim that; but it's the simple truth, as I look back at the hundreds of images I've been given in these past twenty years. And they are gifts. I do not hallucinate. The images are given when I am praying to God, not thinking or dreaming in pictures; and I never receive them when 'outside' prayer.
THE COMMUNION OF SAINTS
To return to the topic of 'themes', however, I've learned from the Lord in recent years that He intends to provide a reminder not just of facts about our religion, but also of the supernaturality of our Faith. He wants everyone to know what the Church has always taught, that our being 'children of God' means that we are in touch with the invisible: with God Himself, and with the Saints and Holy Angels. This is not in the manner in which mediums claim to be 'in touch' with the dead. By baptism we are united with other Christians in the Communion of Saints, through our union with Jesus Christ our God, Who holds everyone in existence.
These things can be forgotten, if the main emphasis in religious education is on the Church's social teaching, no matter how admirable, and on the campaign for justice in the world, for example. We are on our way to Heaven, if we respond to God's love; and Christ wants to remind us all, through these paintings, that He is alive, Heaven is real, and the Saints are waiting to greet us at the heart of God's three-fold glory.
FILLING A GAP
As I cast my mind back over the paintings, and see how colourful they are, and also how 'modern' in style - though I was not trying to be 'modern', as I painted - I can see something else significant about the whole collection. My work, and that of some other Catholic artists today, seems to fill a 'gap', in providing religious images for general use by Catholics and others, as well as for instruction. If we consider how frequently an image is required in everyday Church life, and think of the current sources, we can see that the Lord has lovingly provided a new source of images for Ordination and First Communion cards, for Mass Booklets, for Church banners, school posters and prayer-cards, for every circumstance and need.
We already have thousands of Catholic works of art to admire and reproduce. Yet we are perhaps over-familiar with early-Christian frescoes and mosaics. And although there are thousands of 'Old Masters' which can be used for religious items we can be so familiar with them that we are no longer so moved by them. People can become so used to well-known icons, too, that they no longer react so powerfully to them. Or the standard Italian images much in use since the nineteenth century seem rather sentimental to some modern eyes - though I myself find them very appealing. This seems to be just the right time for the introduction of some unfamiliar but modern and colourful artwork into the Catholic arena; and I believe that the Lord, Who is interested in every aspect of our lives, whether momentous or trivial, has intended that, as a part of His entirely wise and helpful plan.
53. "What do you say to people who suggest that images of God are forbidden by His Commandment?"
CHRIST, THE IMAGE OF GOD
It is true that God forbade the making of idols, long ago, which meant any carved, moulded or painted image that people might worship as a God. It is plainly impossible, anyway, for anyone on earth to create an image, in earthly materials, that can convey the glorious, transcendent, pure and holy nature of Almighty God. But something happened two thousand years ago to shed a new light on this topic. God the Father sent His Divine Son, Jesus Christ, to be born of the Blessed Virgin Mary and to live as true God and true man in our sinful world. So Jesus the God-man is, in His own Person, a living image of God. As Holy Scripture tells us, of Jesus: 'He reflects the glory of God and bears the very stamp of his nature, upholding the universe by his power.' Since the time of the early Church, therefore, Christians have used images for teaching and inspiration. God Himself has given us an image of Himself, in Jesus; and we can be inspired in our churches and homes if we have worthy images of Jesus Christ and the Saints and Angels as reminders of those who help us on our spiritual journey and whom we hope to meet in Heaven when our work on earth is done.
The reason why I now paint pictures of Christ is that I have seen Him 'in front of me' in prayer just as I have seen friends - and landscapes and flowers - 'in front of' me in everyday life, though in a different manner. And because Christ has asked me to paint what I have seen I obviously don't want to disobey Him; and I do believe what He has told me about the pictures helping other people.
THE HOLY TRINITY
I believe there is a tradition somewhere that artists ought not to paint pictures purporting to be of God the Father; but I don't believe it is forbidden by the Church; and so I have been willing to produce in paint the images that Christ has given me not just of Himself but also of the Father and the Holy Spirit: the Other Divine Persons sharing one life, in the unity of the Godhead. Of course, I do not imagine that these images really picture the Holy Trinity. They merely convey some knowledge about God's nature or attributes; and they can provide a focus for an individual's thoughts, in the meditation that can precede spontaneous prayer; but it hardly needs explaining that no mature Christian who looks at these would suppose that God the Father has a human face, and bare feet, or that the Holy Spirit wears a green robe, for example.
As I've explained, Christ is giving me a 'Catechism in pictures' for the sake of people in need of instruction who do not read books about their Catholic Faith; and it would be a strange picture Catechism if it contained images of every important subject except the most important of all: God Himself - even though my pictures seem rudimentary and even crude, if compared with what others might begin to imagine when they think about our all-holy Lord.
54. "In many of these paintings, you cannot see the details of the people's faces and features. Is this intentional so that the person in the painting can represent some kind of 'everyman' figure?"
'EVERYMAN'S' SPIRITUAL JOURNEY
The first four hundred paintings were very 'impressionistic', just because I recorded precisely what I had 'seen' in prayer; and I had not seen any faces clearly. If the Lord gave me a brief image of hundreds of Saints, or hundreds of people in a congregation, to illustrate a 'teaching', it was so swift that I didn't see any details such as facial features. And if I saw not a mere illustration in prayer, but a vision of Christ Himself, I could not see His face clearly because I was dazzled by His radiance, and by the glory streaming all around Him. I saw Him with the eyes of my soul, not my bodily eyes; but it was like seeing someone in a stream of sunlight.
UNSEEN-FACES
There's a particular reason why I also left the faces of Saints almost featureless, in my early religious oils, yet put in features later on. The Saints in glory were seen in my prayer as so dazzling that I could not actually see any features, so I left faces 'empty' on my canvasses. But after a while I realised that they looked merely inhuman, without a nose, and two eyes and a mouth. So I began to put in what I knew they had, even though I had been dazzled at the time. It now seemed more important to stop the Saints appearing inhuman in paint than to worry about whether I have exaggerated my vision.
A VISIT FROM OUR LADY
It has just occurred to me that there have been two exceptions to this way of seeing faces in prayer. They were a few years ago, so I've just remembered them. In 1990, I was honoured and awed to receive an unexpected visit from Our Lady; and it was made plain to me later that it was a very significant visit. It gave me courage to continue, just as my work for Christ was going to become public, and become more demanding. I have written an account of this visit in two books ('Falling in Love,' and 'What is Mary like?'); yet the important point I want to explain is that, for the first time, I saw our Blessed Lady clearly.
Christ had revealed His Mother to me on a handful of earlier occasions, in visions, in the usual glorious and detail-free manner. Yet now, she was with me in my room: again glorious and Heavenly - but at one point being revealed to me in close-up, by God's Will and kindness, so that I could see her features clearly, and enjoy looking for a while, with the eyes of my soul, at the very woman in whom Christ our God was conceived. I can't describe how amazed and delighted I was, though my thoughts were mostly about her kindness and my unworthiness to see her, and about the help I wanted to gain for myself and my family through her prayers. But the next day, I suddenly realised that it would be foolish not to sketch what I had seen. So I made six or seven drawings of different moments of our hour-long meeting. Then, two years later, I was reminiscing about how much her visit had helped me. She had told me, "Elizabeth, do not worry!" - about possible difficulties connected with my new task; and I had been tremendously helped; yet I suddenly realised that I had never done a painting of the beautiful face I had seen.
AN OIL PAINTING OF MARY
That very week, I began an oil portrait of Our Blessed Lady, from memory, the one now entitled 'Our Lady of Harpenden'. It is reproduced in some of my books, and on our Radiant Light Web-site. It is not as beautiful as she is; but it is a real likeness; and this was due, I believe, to the practice I'd had, all those years earlier, when I was painting oil portraits for friends and acquaintances.
The Lord eventually asked me to show the painting to my then Parish Priest, and to give him a message. The Lord asked me to explain about the significance of Our Lady for my own life, and for Harpenden. He also asked me to say how powerfully she can give help to distressed children, especially, and the sick, and souls in Purgatory, when we address our prayers to her using that title. I've written about all that elsewhere. What I want to add now, is that on one occasion, only, I've also had a very detailed vision of Our Blessed Lord, Mary's Divine son.
BY THE LADY CHAPEL
Year after year, since the 1980's, I have been privileged to see Christ in prayer, either in private visions at home, or in visions of Him in the sanctuary when I'm at Mass, or of Him with His Holy Mother as they stand together by the Lady Chapel, where I pray after Mass. I pray there just to be a bit less exposed, when people are busy in church with flowers or cleaning, not because I think Our Lady and her chapel are more important than Christ and the sanctuary and tabernacle - though they are very pleased when anyone pauses to pray by the Lady Chapel, regularly. And Christ is usually radiant with Heaven's glory, as is Our Lady, when she is with Him; and this is why I was very surprised one day in the 1990's, to have a special vision. I still saw Christ with the eyes of my soul, not by bodily sight; yet this time I saw Him as He was in His earthly life, in His joyful nature and His loveability, there before me.
CHRIST, JOYFUL AND HOLY
Christ was lively, joyful, smiling at me. He was wearing - for the first time, for me - rough woven garments, and a huge cloak flung round His shoulders. He was well-built, like any normal working man; and His long black curly hair tumbled round His shoulders. I believe He wanted to show me why people had loved to be near Him, because I myself was 'bowled over' by His lovely yet homely appearance. He was very strong and manly, but not overbearing, but rather, very gentle when He spoke to me; and I saw what I had previously known in an intellectual way: that Christ is an attractive and cheerful Person, Whom most people loved to see.
They followed Him around the lakeside in Galilee not just in the hope of being cured, or seeing miracles, but because He is one of those wonderful people that almost everyone loves, admires, and loves to be near. So it was from that time that I began to picture Christ in more detail in my paintings, now that I knew what He looks like. I still haven't done a full-colour painting of what I saw on that day; but some of my full-colour pictures of Christ in other situations give me a glimpse of what I once saw of Him in His cheerfulness, youth, purity and beauty.
To go back to the original question: perhaps I should add that there is another reason why there is little detail in many of the faces and figures. I have often received an image, in prayer, of myself climbing a ladder, for example - to illustrate an aspect of the spiritual journey; or I 'see' myself pictured as being 'carried' up to Heaven by Christ as I pray - as an illustration of the power of prayer. And I know that such images are for everyone. They are to illustrate spiritual laws and principles, not to provide a visual diary of my personal prayer life; so I have done such figures in a few simple lines, without trying to emphasise hairstyles or one sort of clothing. The Lord has produced, through me, a sort of 'everyman's journey', or a Pilgrim's Progress of modern times. So there has been no need for elaboration.
55. "What is the text that goes with each prayer painting?"
THE REAL MEANING
Each text consists of an excerpt from an original teaching, or a paraphrase of what I have learned from the Lord in prayer, at the time when He has given me that particular image. Every painting that we reproduce today, in 'Radiant Light', therefore has a long title, or a text, with it, as well as a number. Now we can be sure that whoever uses the paintings will not be misled about the subject matter. Some of the images seem quite strange, until the title is given, when a new light seems to dawn on some aspect of the spiritual life or the sacramental system, for example. Furthermore, it's the Lord Who wants to use these images to give instruction as well as joy; so it would be foolish not to help people to see that the figure in one picture is St. Anne, not Our Blessed Lady, and that another image is of Jesus in His earthly life, not of Abraham in the desert; or, to give other examples, there has been a picture given to me of a space-man clad in a cumbersome suit, with oxygen, which no-one would understand if the title did not indicate that just as astronauts must prepare for a journey on high, so Christians must prepare for 'ascension' to union with God in Heaven. And an image of a man being lowered on a rope into an old mineshaft to rescue someone stranded far below on a broken ladder is an illustration of the powerful help we bring to others by our intercessory prayers. Plainly, some titles are essential.
56. "Does every prayer-painting have a title?"
WIDER DISTRIBUTION
Every prayer-painting now has a title: that is, every picture has had, from its reception, in prayer, an accompanying 'teaching'. And once these are written in my notebooks, I have a text from which I can compose a title by which people will be helped to understand what I've painted. I have chosen a title for every painting so far scanned or photographed and stored on our Web-site, or in a digital file for future use; or my children have done so, from my notes, if I have been ill or busy. I paint further water-colours almost every day; so there's a little pile of newly-painted pictures not yet scanned, each with a temporary title scribbled on the side. The final title is fixed after discussion with my children. I'm the one who knows exactly what the image is meant to be about; but they sometimes help me to clarify my titles by suggesting a more up-to-date vocabulary, or a phrase that will strike chords in a greater number of people, now that we are involved in a much wider distribution of the images.
57. "Each of the prayer paintings has a number. What is this number?"
IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER
Some people looking at lists of my paintings will wonder why I've adopted a peculiar sort of numbering system; in fact, it's all very logical. You might recall an earlier paragraph when I was explaining how I put down all my initial prayer-images in ink on paper. It was then that I realised I should number them, and not only them, but also the 'teachings' given in prayer, to which they were the illustrations. I began writing in a small black notebook, listing all the 'teachings' that the Lord had given to me in prayer since that day He first taught me in 1956 when I was about fourteen - and when I had not realised Who was teaching me. I suppose that, on average, about two out of every seven 'teachings' has been illustrated.
Very few of those early 'teachings' were accompanied by an image. Many were what the Church would call, I believe, 'intellectual visions', which is a felt encounter in prayer with God or a Saint or Angel, but without any image. But today, I have notebooks full of 'teachings' which are numbered one by one as far as 7000 (in June this year, 2006); and I have files full of illustrations of about 2000 of those same 'teachings'; and each illustration bears the corresponding 'teaching' number.
A USEFUL NUMBERING SYSTEM
I am glad I started that system when I did. It's not perfect, and I've sometimes made mistakes. But if anyone were to question me today about two particular 'teachings', for example, I could say "This teaching was accompanied by no image. It's number is T:7060. This later teaching, T:7063, was accompanied by an illustration, which is therefore listed as W.C. (Water-colour) 7063. There is going to be a coloured water-colour of it too, which will be listed as CWC 7063; and if I make an oil painting of it, it will be listed as M (medium) OIL 7063." Whoever wants to find those various manuscript teachings, with typed versions too, and original sketches, water-colours and oils, will be able to do so.
The importance of the numbering system became much plainer, first, when the Lord told me much more about how widely the pictures would be spread, to help to renew the Church, and build up the faith of individuals. The second time was when my children generously decided to help with the work, which led to greater use of the Internet, and to the design and setting-up of our own Web-site. Through this, many Church members and agencies have been able to order and download pictures; and so we are fortunate to have a numbering system already in place.
58. "Why do some of the numbers of the paintings have 'a, b or c' after them?"
FORGETFULNESS
Some the paintings' numbers are followed by the letter 'a or b or c' - or even 'd, e', and so on. This occurs when a teaching which is labelled with an 'a or b' etc, is illustrated. The illustration necessarily bears the same code. Such teachings were either given to me as two parts of a huge teaching; or for another reason. From time to time, I forget to write down a 'teaching' immediately after my prayer, whether at home or in church. I have to date it and 'insert' it a few days later in my notebook. But since the teachings are written in chronological order, I 'find' another teaching given on the same day as the one I've forgotten, add an 'a' to it; and then I use its code number, and the letter 'b', for the now-remembered teaching that I'm putting in my notebook a little further on. When they are typed, they are typed in the correct dates; and I have done this so that I haven't messed up my whole numbering system.
The handful of other occasions on which a painting has a letter after it is when I have done several versions of the same image, in the same medium, and have not wanted to discard any of those versions, even though it might be quite plain that one version is better than the others. Some are quite high quality works, whereas others are rather messy initial drafts.
59. "Do you think anyone can really paint God or the Saints and Angels?"
CHRIST: GOD MADE VISIBLE
It's true that many of my pictures are about God, not just about our spiritual journey; so these have been especially difficult, though perhaps not for obvious reasons. Scripture tells us that no-one has seen God. This means the Godhead, in Heaven, not Jesus Christ. We know that Jesus was born of Mary; and as the Son of God He had a human nature and a visible, real body. So people have seen Jesus, in His life-time; and some people have seen Him in visions, in prayer - including myself, I have to say, to be simple and truthful. I have seen Our Blessed Lord, with the eyes of my soul, in the various ways in which He has presented Himself; and these ways have been many, because of His plan to give other people reminders about Himself through my prayer experiences and images, and my paintings.
I mean that Christ sometimes reveals Himself to me in a vision, in all His Heavenly, risen glory. I am awestruck, but I know it is He; and I remember the sight, and reproduce it later on as well as I can. At other times He 'reveals' Himself as being beside me, conversing with me, but unseen. There is no image. At other times, He teaches me in prayer; and as He does so He 'plants' in my soul an image of Himself, for me to use to instruct other people. And in those sorts of images He has 'portrayed' Himself in a number of ways. He is usually clothed in a long white robe, though He is occasionally pictured as wearing a chasuble such as a priest wears at Mass. Sometimes I have seen Him thus as He sits on a throne, or else presides at Mass, or sits beside the Father and the Holy Spirit - pictured as men - in a 'Holy Trinity' image. I am aware that these are 'pictures' given to me of the Lord, not God Himself. But I know He wants me to share them. That is why I record them later in the day in a swift pencil sketch; then a few weeks later I make a monochrome water-colour, and then perhaps, if I have time, a full-colour water-colour.
THE INVISIBLE FATHER
I have never seen God the Father, though He has given me pictorial impressions of His Fatherhood, His glory, His relationship with Jesus His Son and with the Holy Spirit. I have also been given pictorial impressions of the Holy Spirit in the form of a dove, a bird of prey, a sheet of lightening, a blazing fire, and so on. The Lord has also shown, to the eyes of my soul, the reality of the 'Light' of the Holy Spirit: the fiery light of charity which the Spirit is, Who is the bond of love between Father and Son; and I believe that that Light is not a pictorial impression but some sort of a glimpse of His real glory, which I am not worthy to see, but which I cannot deny I have been privileged to have experienced.
ANGELS AND SAINTS
The Lord has also shown me images of the Saints and Angels from time to time, partly to give me joy at seeing my companions, and partly to help me to remind other people that there is a spiritual realm beyond what we see with our bodily eyes. Christians do belong to the 'Communion of Saints', of earth, Heaven and Purgatory; and it's Christ's wish that we remember this and remember to ask for the prayers of the Heavenly friends who urge us on to holiness; and we must also remember to pray for the Holy Souls in Purgatory whom we also hope we shall meet one day in Heaven's glory, when we have all finished our work on earth, and have been made fit for Heaven's purity and beauty.
THE SOULS IN PURGATORY
When the Lord 'pictures' Purgatory for me, the souls there are always seen in shadow, which represents their imperfection; but the images of Saints usually consist of brief glimpses of far-off, glorious figures seen against the radiant light of the Godhead. Occasionally, they have been pictured as individuals, close to me, in response to a particular prayer of mine, and to a particular desire of the Lord to teach me something about a special Saint. I have remembered and recorded these glimpses, just like all the other pictures. That is all I do, whatever the subject matter that the Lord gives me. I simply record what I have 'seen' in front of me, in my prayer to God.
60. "In some of your paintings of the Holy Trinity, God's face could seem to appear androgynous or almost feminine. Is this intentional? Are you trying to make a point?"
OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN
The Lord has given me many images of the Holy Trinity, for the sake of teaching an important point; and in one or two of my paintings the face of God might seem to be feminine rather than masculine. This is entirely unintentional. Perhaps it has come about as I have thought about the Lord's gentleness and kindness towards us. But Christ in my pictures is plainly a man; and we know that Christ has asked us to address God the Father as "Father"; so I would not dream of painting God as a woman, or under any other form except as fire, or light, which the Lord has shown me, or as a child, which Christ once was, in His earthly life.
What I have learned from the Church about the Catholic Faith, and what Christ teaches me, are the same; and I have no quarrel with any of it, simply a daily struggle to live out the Gospel, in imitation of Jesus, and in union with Him.
61. "What are some of your favourite prayer paintings?"
GOD'S GLORIOUS NATURE
Some of my favourite prayer paintings are some of the least well-known: various images of the Godhead as fire and glory. These might appear to have little to offer to some viewers who prefer to be moved by 'Christ the Bridge', or 'The Abyss', or 'The Whole Church praises God', for example. But the images which illustrate the nature and power of God evoke, for me, memories of those specific encounters with God in prayer in which He has revealed to me His glory and beauty. Sometimes He has done so by showing me just the glory of Himself as the Father, or as the Son, or as the Holy Spirit. And on other occasions He has revealed something of the life of the Holy Trinity, in its movement yet its stillness, it's intimacy yet its universal love, and its capacity to delight, to embrace, to purify and to bring to ecstasy all who enter that Eternal Home.
IN ADMIRATION AND PRAISE
Each picture of this type makes me want to fall down in adoration before God, or else makes me want to go around crying out to others about the importance of loving God, and not wasting our time on earth. On the other hand, all the other pictures give me joy; they make me marvel at God's wisdom in teaching me in such an extraordinary way. I'm more and more awe-struck by His charity, in caring so much about us all, and at His mercy in using me to do this Work. But I prefer the pictures about Himself to all others, though even pictures about God do not in fact picture God, for no-one has seen Him. I mean, no-one has seen God the Father, though some of us have been privileged beyond dreams to have seen the light of the Holy Spirit, and to have 'seen' Jesus in prayer, and even Jesus's Holy Mother Mary, and the Saints and Angels.
62. "Are there some paintings that you wish you could have spent more time on?"
QUALITY OR QUANTITY
On an ordinary level, I could say that I wish I could have spent more time on some of the paintings. But I'm comforted to know that I did what I could manage, at the time; and I know it's better, in this particular task, to produce two thousand pictures (let us say) that teach a lot, and are also of a fairly high standard, than only a thousand pictures, which I might have developed to an extraordinary degree in a painterly sense, but only because I had left unrecorded half of the images the Lord had given me to share with other people. To have paused over-long in a sort of painterly self-absorption, experimenting with technique for personal satisfaction, would have led to my forgetting to some degree what the whole Work is 'for'.
I hope I've been able to make mostly 'good' pictures; but I am definitely glad to know that I've been able to keep painting until the present day. I really hope I'll be able to finish recording all of the images that Christ has given to me. But if I can't, I hope I'll accept the fact, and be content.
63. "Were there some prayer-paintings that were particularly difficult to paint in oils, and if so, why?"
A NEW CHALLENGE
Some prayer-paintings have been more difficult to do than others, for quite ordinary reasons. The first is that when I began them, it was necessary to paint things I'd never painted before in my entire life, in any form. When an image was given to me in prayer which consisted of the crucified Christ, with His arms outstretched, like a bridge, in His own body bridging a chasm, as miniature people walk across Him to Heaven, I was able to paint a realistic 'copy' of what the Lord had shown me. Figure painting was not foreign to me; and any artist knows what a chasm or precipice looks like, and can convey its width and depth with a few strokes of a brush. But when the Lord revealed Himself to me in glory, or showed me an image of the whole of Heaven, with half-seen figures covering the whole area, in veils of light, I had to pause, and work out how to proceed.
There are no previous images in my memory of such things, to give me hints of how to paint them; I mean that the people in my visions were not like Fra Angelico's neatly-robed figures, or Giotto's sensible townsfolk. They were far more insubstantial, as if lit from within. I usually saw them only for a brief instant; so I had to paint from a brief memory; and I had no experience to draw on, in painting Heavenly things and people, whether streams of light, degrees of glory, haloes and aurioles, angels' wings, or the darkness which encircles the light of the radiant Godhead. So my first few dozen large religious oils were painted in a tentative, experimental way, as I learned how to achieve one effect or another which I had never tried to achieve before. Inevitably, I did not always succeed.
REGRETS
Some of the earlier pictures irritate me, when I look back at them, because I can see the flaws. I know I could achieve certain effects more proficiently now. Yet each of them exists as a long-ago record or interpretation of what I first recorded, of the same image, in monochrome water-colour. So I am not ashamed of them - just glad that I have now become more experienced in this sort of work.
Pictures are sometimes difficult to do when the Lord gives me a visual analogy to paint and share, using types of subject-matter that it has never occurred to me to paint, such as horses, or space-craft, or kitchen utensils. For example, He has shown me an image of two spacecraft a few feet apart from one another in space, manoeuvring into position so that they can dock. This was an illustration from the Lord of a very clear, soundless 'teaching' about union with God. The Lord was explaining that we cannot achieve a profound union with Heaven unless we approach God the Father with open hearts, in a particular manner shown to us by Him. This means approaching in humility, through Jesus His Son, in reverence and gratitude, just as carefully as people who manoeuvre spacecraft, and who know that it's a supremely important procedure.
We show little respect for God if we merely 'throw' in His direction an occasional and haphazard glance, when we feel in the mood. There are hundreds more of such teachings, many illustrated in unusual ways. I must suppose that the Lord knows these will encourage people to sit up and take notice, in modern times, through modern images, of age-old truths about the spiritual life, and salvation. But I have little experience of painting space-craft, so I do the best I can.
INCREASING PHYSICAL WEAKNESS
There is one further reason why some pictures have been difficult to paint; and I'm only going to mention this because it will help people to realise, first, why I no longer paint in oils, and, secondly, why I have not always taken as much care over individual pictures as I would have liked, but have 'rushed' some of them in order to move on to the next. The problem has been my health, or, more specifically, muscular weakness deriving from spine damage.
When I began the first oil 'Mass Paintings' in about 1988 I was reasonably strong. I was able to prime a large number of plywood panels, each about 40" x 30", and to cover the surface with oils, in huge sweeping strokes, until I achieved the effect I wanted. Or I could reach up and spend time on little details that would 'pull together' the whole picture. But within a few years I was weaker. That's why I later began to use hardboard panels, not plywood, and in a smaller size (approximately 24" x 18") and continued to do so until about the year 2000, when I was about to begin a new series. I planned to paint several dozen 'Holy Trinity' oil paintings, to put in a book.
The Lord had just asked me to produce a book of His 'Holy Trinity' teachings and illustrations. I was glad to do this, and was sure that it would be a more interesting book if I did coloured versions of the images, for it. But I knew I had not sufficient strength to be able to cover the surface of my recent hardboard panels. It had been more and more necessary, in recent times, to put down my brush until I recovered enough strength to complete a picture. So I reduced the size once again. I spend a year producing about seventy small oils of Holy Trinity images. Each was on a mere 16" x 20" panel; and there were no longer several layers of paint.
WATER-COLOURS, AGAIN
I had no energy for glazing, scumbling, or pressing on to achieve new efforts. My whole aim was to put down an image, in colour, as swiftly and efficiently as I could; so I inevitably lost something in the process. But that was the choice I had to make: whether to stop painting, or to continue, knowing that little of what I was doing would match the glory and even grandeur of some of the first large oils.
Another stage came, when I was unable to hold my arm in the air, with a brushload of oil paint, for very long; and that's when I had just become involved in writing a book for children about the Mass. I was planning to illustrate it with images that the Lord had given me; so it seemed wise to put my oil paints away for a while and to devise a new plan. I resolved to continue producing every prayer-image from the Lord in monochrome water-colour, as usual, since when I work in water-colour I am looking downwards, holding my arm downwards, across the paper, not up in the air, as with oils. And from now on I was going to paint every especially-exciting image as a full-colour water-colour, instead of a full-colour oil. And of those new coloured water-colours, I would use a few dozen for my childrens' book.
SITTING AT MY DESK
That's why I packed all my oil paints and equipment into a huge storage box, and tried to forget about the special effects I can achieve in oil, such as the thin veils of colour that let other layers show through, in a way I cannot exactly reproduce in water-colour. It was a sensible decision, but perhaps I'll open the box again one day to do something really special. Meanwhile, it's been very satisfying to sit at my desk and do water-colours day after day without reaching the former degree of exhaustion.
THE INTERNET
An unexpected facet of my work is that it is now shared with other people more through the Internet, and through posters and postcards, than by further exhibitions of the originals. We have drawn back from such exhibitions for the present, because of a lack of secure venues, and the risk of damage to the oil surfaces. A mere scratch on one of my smooth-surfaced oil paintings shows up as boldly as a scar, whereas a blow to a picture by another artist in another style would scarcely be seen. My point is that when the images are reproduced and enlarged, few people are concerned about the size of the original work; and the reproductions seem to succeed in what the Lord wants them to do, which is to convey spiritual truths in a new way, in a pictorial catechism - so I'm grateful for that; and I'm grateful that even after all this 'scaling-down' I am still able to produce something recognisable, colourful, and instructive, and representative of the original image given to me in prayer.
64. "You say that in recent years you have painted more full-colour religious water-colours and fewer oil paintings. Can you go into more detail about the different effects you get with the different paints?"
DIFFERENT TECHNIQUES
Now that I've completed at least two hundred full-colour water-colours - instead of coloured oil versions of the images - I've discovered that each medium has advantages in putting across the Lord's messages. The oils thrilled me because of the fine 'veils' of colour I could brush across underlying hues. I could also blend one colour with another, in side-by-side panels, in a way I cannot exactly reproduce in water-colours. Yet nothing can match the amazing speed of water-colour work - despite my having to wait for certain areas to dry; and the clarity of colour is magnificent, in water-colour pigments mixed with clean water, at full strength.
ARTISTIC TRADITIONS
Many decades ago, I studied some examples of water-colours by John Sell Cotman, and others. Those landscapes were exquisite. But I couldn't understand why British water-colour works were mostly brown, or grey, or certainly dull green, or dull blue, when British portraitists such as John Singer Sergeant and Augustus John, using oils, delivered striking harmonies and exciting contrasts. Was water-colour meant to be used only for tame, quiet, modest little images - perhaps mostly by women, who could pursue it as a gentle hobby? Were oils only suitable for others, mostly men, who would produce pictures as bright, bold and brash as the painters' own lives? I didn't know then; but I know now that an artist has the freedom to use any medium he or she can, to get across to others a message that is worth delivering. And this is what other artists have discovered in recent decades, as they have used emulsion paint, video film, or collage, or new versions of mixed media to produce images that educate, amuse, entertain or provoke thought, without those artists feeling guilty for having failed to conform to past artistic traditions.
ART MATERIALS
I must digress a bit, to qualify what I've just said. Not all materials used in modern art are acceptable, in my view; nor are all of the images acceptable. A gift of communication through marks and images can be used for evil as well as for good, to corrupt as well as to enlighten; so I think we ought not to say that a painter can do anything he likes. As a spiritual and moral being, his decisions should be informed, I believe, by his fundamental, worthwhile beliefs - even decisions about what to paint, and to what lengths he should go to achieve his artistic aims.
65. "How long do the full-colour water-colours take you to do?"
WATER-COLOUR WASHES
The simplest of my full-colour water-colours consists of a faint drawing, with two or three applications of transparent watercolour washes superimposed. I suppose that a simple drawing takes me only a minute to do. A wash cannot take longer than a minute - and I never have to wait for longer than a few hours for the whole surface to dry between washes - or merely an hour or two if I have only a small area to cover with a new wash. So the actual painting takes just a few minutes. Furthermore, in water-colour, as well as in oils, I like to work on several pictures at once. This means that I can work on two or three in succession, whilst a few others dry between washes.
SWIFT WORK
If I have a complicated water-colour to do, I follow the same procedure, but the time taken is longer. A picture with hundreds of faces might take an hour to draw. When I need to use many different hues for faces, figures, clothing, background and rays of light - as well as whole paper washes underneath - I have a lot of waiting to do, as I let each wash dry naturally. Some painters use a hair-drier on the paper; but I rarely do so, as this alters the patterns of granulation made by various pigments, which are an interesting feature of water-colour work. Yet it remains true that the water-colours are astonishingly quick to do, compared with the oil paintings. So there are special advantages, as I said, with each medium.
MINGLED COLOURS
To digress again for a moment, I know that some water-colourists love to paint in a deliberately 'messy' way, letting the colours meet and mingle, and letting the resulting 'accidents' dictate the end result. My way, however, is to plan in advance exactly how the painting will look. After all, my aim is to reproduce an image given to me, and not to distort it very much. So I don't really want 'happy accidents', though I do sometimes plan, and execute, special areas of mingling, so that the picture surface is a little more subtle and exciting.
Instead of filling in a background area with cadmium orange, I might apply a wash of transparent yellow, then, while it is still wet, drop in some puddles of very diluted permanent carmine, here and there, to produce a mottled effect. This can serve as a sort of counterpoint to other areas of the picture which are very plain. And there are many more ways of using colour that I've never explained to anyone but have just discovered by myself or picked up through art magazines or exhibitions.
66. "Do you think your experience of portrait painting helped in being able to draw human figures in the 'prayer paintings'?"
LACK OF MODELS
The life-class which I attended in the late 1970s proved to be marvellously useful as well as interesting. Much of my time there was spent in producing sketches of models in two-minute poses. I had to learn how to capture a pose with just a few lines or a minimal indication of shadow-areas. With that facility, and with much practice in straightforward figure painting, I found it easier than I'd expected, when I had to reproduce the various figures that the Lord showed me in prayer. Yet I still had one specific disadvantage.
In prayer, the Lord usually gives me an image only for a brief moment. I remember it, and make a sketch of it later in the day, or even a few weeks later on. But neither when I sketch it nor when I do a large version of it, later on, do I have a model in front of me. I do not have a person before me wearing beautifully arranged drapery - just a memory of what was shown for a short time. And that is why some of the figures are not as well-drawn as if I'd had a model before me; and some of the drapery is more rudimentary or grace-less than if I had had a tableau to work from.
67. "Since 2001, you have had solo exhibitions of your religious artwork each year in London. Are you happy to be able to share the paintings in this way with people?"
In 2001 I exhibited some original religious oils in London, though not putting any for sale. Since 2001, my children have been very generous with their time, and their ideas, as they have become involved in 'Radiant Light'. That is why, after consulting me, and asking permission of the priest in charge they have hung reproductions of some of my paintings in the French Church in London, for a few weeks in each summer. This has been solely to inspire people, so it has been thrilling to have permission from the priest, and to see the children make these arrangements, so that people who wish to do so can meditate on the pictures in a prayerful atmosphere. It's in my nature to want to share what I find beautiful, or moving, or instructive; and it is also what the Lord wants. He did not indicate the specific venue, but He providentially made it possible; and now I am seeing the fulfilment of the promises He made to me many years ago. One of those was that He would make the pictures widely-known.Christ said that there was no need for me to worry about being able to share the pictures widely to nurture people in the Faith. All I had to do was to be obedient to His plans, and share the pictures where and when I could, confident that He would crown my little efforts with success. This didn't mean commercial success, since none of the originals is for sale; and the reproductions we offer through 'Radiant Light' - which as well as a Movement is also a publishing company set up by my children to handle my recent work - are sold at no profit to ourselves as individuals.
TO BRING ENCOURAGEMENT
Christ meant that He would succeed in bringing the work to the attention of millions of people, to encourage them in the Catholic Faith; and I can now see that His plan is well underway. Remember, when I first began showing the images, I knew nothing about the Internet - although the Lord knew. I also had no idea that my whole family would volunteer to become involved with the work, and that my children would shoulder a huge burden of administration and communication that I would have been incapable of carrying.
68. "When you were in your twenties, did you think that you might end up doing mostly religious artwork one day?"
IN THE PRESENT MOMENT
When I was young I had no idea that I would ever do this sort of work. When I was a child, and then when I was a young woman, I lived entirely in the present moment. It seemed to be a natural capacity in me. Although I would become wildly excited if I was told about a special event ahead, or a special reward or celebration, and would even speak with impatience about having to wait, this phase never lasted for long. I was soon engrossed in one project or another, perhaps because I gave myself entirely to whatever I was doing. I was incapable of doing things half-heartedly. So when I was busy, it did not occur to me to look ahead; and if I happened to be idle - which was a rare occurrence - I was quite incapable of dreaming up different scenarios, as some people do, about future jobs, or marriage, and working out how to make them happen.
If I had a yearning for what I couldn't have, as a child, I dismissed it; and my ideas and yearnings changed day by day, according to circumstances; so I had no private ambitions of any weight, nor any single, burdensome sense of disappointment. Life provided a succession of limited, changing hopes, genuine joys, and a good feeling that anything at all could happen: that life was full of surprises, good as well as bad. As I've already said, I had no capacity for invention; and I was brought up by a good father whose main delight was in logical thought, and encouraging his children to be logical. And since none of us knows the future, I would have thought it merely a waste of time to 'picture' things that might never come about, or could never come about. When horrible changes came, I grimly suffered them. When delightful opportunities arose, I was thrilled at a new adventure.
TRAINED TO BE 'SENSIBLE'
I asked my father, when I was nearly fifteen, if I could have a guitar for my birthday, and was overjoyed when he agreed that we could just afford one. It was terrific fun to master the chords, and take it to gatherings of friends. This was in the days when we still sat around singing, rather than listening. But I never sat and dreamed of playing to a great number of people, or wishing I had an even better singing voice. And if my Dad had said 'No' to my request, I would have accepted the news that we couldn't afford that present. I was not good, or patient; but I had been trained to be 'sensible'.
I loved foreign travel, and camping, and learning the guitar, and French poetry. But when I was young I was not the sort of person who planned and worked to make things happen in accordance with something she had pictured or dreamed of. I wondered if I could become a singer - but knew we had no money for singing lessons. As an Anglican youngster, I sang in the church and the school choirs, but could not visualise the future. Until I was about fourteen I was also attracted by the idea of being a missionary; but when I was told there were no answers to all my questions about Church and Protestant Christianity I became disillusioned.
It was also exciting to have parts in the school plays; so, for a while, I wanted to be an actress. Though I was too shy to speak, when introduced to my parents' colleagues, I had no such timidity when I had lines to speak on stage. And I had other yearnings. I knew, for example, that I would one day like to be married and have babies; and I believed I would never tire of painting. But each idea or ambitious thought was pushed aside by what was actually absorbing my attention in each present moment. It did not occur to me to say to myself: "What would it be like if this were to happen, and how can I make it happen?"
A GREAT CHANGE
When I grew up and was married, and was very happy nearly all the time, I still had no burning ambitions. I felt completely fulfilled by our way of life, and was busy at work, and cooking and socialising, until I was ill for a while - and, later, had a baby. Then a huge and unexpected change occurred in my life. It made unlikely the pursuit of any private ambition, and completely ruled out the pursuit of any long term selfish enterprise.
When I was young, I always had God my Creator somewhere in my thoughts: on the fringes, even when I had more-or-less stopped attending my Anglican church and praying at fifteen; but He came to the heart of my soul and life about a year after I was married. It was a time when I had realised that I did indeed believe the basics of the Christian message, and that it would be worthwhile to pray, and to explore Christian teachings. For the first time in my life I read books about Christianity because I freely chose to do so, not because I was nagged by a well-meaning adult.
By 1968, when I was received into full Communion with the Catholic Church, I had a new outlook on life. It stemmed from my new desire to please God in everything. From then on, I was sometimes appalled at the difficulties that arose both from my own nature, and from trying to live as a good Christian in every circumstance; yet my burning desire at every moment was to do God's Will, wherever that led me, and whatever it cost me. My natural instincts were in tune with much of what I saw would be requested of me. I knew that a Christian woman is supposed to fulfil her basic duties towards her husband and children before any personal ambitions of her own, just as a good husband should make time for his wife and children before taking up numerous hobbies. I also learned that it's a virtue to live entirely in the 'present moment', which is the only moment we have in which to show our love for God, and for our neighbour; so for these reasons I continued as before, occasionally able to enjoy the knowledge that one joyful event or another might occur some day; but for the whole of every day I was usually totally focused upon my present occupation, and content to live as I was living.
EXTRA DOMESTIC DUTIES
Just as few young persons can picture themselves as growing old and dying, so, when I was young, I could not imagine being middle-aged. I was incapable, too, of picturing what the children might do in the future. I had no ambitions for them, except that they would be kind people, and happy, in whatever way God allowed.
As far as art was concerned, I've already told how I found it necessary to fit it in here and there, and sometimes give it up altogether; so in my logical way I didn't waste time with regrets, when I was burdened with extra domestic duties. To dream impossible dreams would have been to make myself discontented or frustrated; and that, in my view, would have been not just a waste of time but a show of ingratitude to God for the good things I already had in my life. Besides, I preferred to trust in God that if He wanted me to paint He would make it possible. It's important for us all to realise that God is very generous with His gifts, not stingy; and it's not necessary for us to 'follow-up' every gift, and make a career of it, or prove something about our abilities.
GREAT EXPECTATIONS
It is inevitable, in an ordinary life, that some of our gifts are going to be left undeveloped, or 'put on the back burner'. Meanwhile, the Lord had already allowed me amazing joy, through marriage and motherhood. And He had promised me, as a member of His Church, the possibility of close union with Himself in this life, and perfect joy and sanctity with Him in the next life, if I persevered. And I believed in those promises. So I was hardly short of 'dreams'; indeed, my hopes and expectations were greater than anything connected with the art world; so that's partly why, I suppose, I was content to wait for life to unfold, without my feeling that it was unjust that I had few opportunities to paint.
69. "Do you think that beauty and truth are important in art, and how are they expressed in your paintings?"
THE TRUTH ABOUT AN OBJECT
If I look back with care, I can now see that both truth and beauty have been important to me in my painting, even as a child. I remember the satisfaction I had on a French exchange holiday when I painted a neat little water-colour of a green jug, in Tante Madeleine's flat in Rouen. I revelled in the 'truth' of it: in the fact that I had placed, in two dimensions, something of the coolness and simplicity of the jug, and in the fact that in doing this, and in taking the picture away with me, I was able to 'take away' something of the jug. It's difficult to explain, as this is the first time I've analysed my thoughts then; but I realise that I was awed by my ability, yet amazed that it was so easy. I really thought that anyone who tried could surely draw and paint, just as most of us can ride a bicycle or bake a cake.
TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE
My religious paintings, too, are 'truthful', in that each conveys something true about human nature, or God's glory, or the trials and surprises of the spiritual journey. And, all together, I believe - though some people will disagree with me - they present a true picture of what life is 'about'. That is what a Catechism is for, after all. It is to explain who we are, and why we exist, Whom we serve, and what sort of life we can enjoy if we put our trust in God the Father, through His Son Jesus Christ, and allow the Holy Spirit to transform us. In my sight, the pictures tell the truth about what we can be.
BEAUTY IN NATURE
The matter of beauty is simpler to explain. Since early childhood I've been moved to smiles and even to tears, by beauty. Today, I thank God, for the beauty in nature. My delight in nature began in the time when we searched the lanes for blackberries, near our flat in Slough. As I discovered hazel-nuts too, and conkers, and the old-man's-beard which decorated the hedges - and autumn leaves, frosted windowpanes, and flowers, and yellow fields in the summer sun - I've been entranced by their beauty. There's always more to discover, wherever we look; and I've always yearned to capture such beauty in paint, to share it with other people. It is sometimes thought that artists are 'show-offs', whereas the truth is that we are simply people who love to share our joy. We like to bring other people to see whatever glorious sight we have seen, to make them happy too. This is not always appreciated; so we have to learn to stand back a bit, and not to expect instant opinions, or agreement about the nature of beauty.
With my own innate set of ideas, partly shaped by my own culture and background and preferences, I liked painting not just flowers but also beautiful faces, babies, huge skies, and still-lifes with their mouth-watering fruits and polished surfaces. As I said, there's no end to what we can find, of beauty, wherever we look. But I feel I must return to the subject of truth, to explain a U-turn I made in art when I was about sixty years old.
DIVINE BEAUTY, TO SHARE
Long ago, it seemed to me that the main aim of art was to 'share' beautiful things, and to give joy in that way. But a time came, to my astonishment, when Christ, my God, gave me thousands of images about the most important subjects of all: about our spiritual life, our salvation history, about God our Father and the Holy Spirit - and about life after death. Many of these images were very beautiful, as given to me in their economy and simplicity; others, I made beautiful, by my careful use of colour. Yet interspersed amongst the many attractive images have been a number of horrible images of demons, and evil souls, and Hell. For many years I did not record these in any medium, though I never forgot them. I rarely forget an image. I have a 'lop-sided' memory, which means that I can mentally hold and 'sort through' thousands of images, including visual memories of about the whole of my life so far; yet it can take me months to remember a phone number - unless I arrange the digits to make a pattern or a picture, in which case my problem is solved. I can remember that just as I remember a painting.
Only when several years had passed, and when the Lord had told me that He was giving me an entire Catechism-in-pictures, primarily to help people in the Church, did I think again about those sad images, and re-evaluate them. My aim until then, in art, had been never to depress anyone, or pain them, by my gift, or force them to look at ugliness or horror. That was the main reason why I even became reluctant to do the cartoons and caricatures I had found it so easy to do from time to time. But now I found that the sad pictures were parts of the 'Catechism' I was being given.
PARTS OF THE WHOLE WORK
I had never doubted that they were from God. I had never told anyone about these visions, let alone painted them. But as I saw the growth of the whole body of work, I had to face the fact that art must be about truth as well as beauty. Life is not all about pretty pictures - neither earthly life nor life after death. And just as there has been a place for Goya's war pictures, Picasso's shocking 'Guernica', and even Toulouse Lautrec's extraordinarily sad but beautiful pictures of prostitutes, so there has been a place too for mediaeval scenes of Heaven and Hell, and, now, I have to say, a tiny place for my modern images of distressing subjects.
DISTRESSING SIGHTS
What use is a Catechism if large parts of it have been left out: precisely the parts that will help some people to realise that the Christian Faith matters? Jesus came down from Heaven, and endured all the agony of life on earth, in order to teach and save us: to save us from Hell, which is utter alienation from God. Jesus Himself spoke about the rewards that will be given to good people, and the punishment to be inflicted upon the wicked; so how can I say that I am doing the special work of 'illumination' that He has given me to do, in pictures, if I decide to leave out the unpleasant ones, and have a distress-free version of the truth?
That's what those thoughts were all about: Truth. Pontius Pilate once asked Jesus: "What is truth?" But now I knew the truth about my work: that it is my duty to put down what the Lord has shown me, and to trust that all the images will be used one day in a way that fits in with His overall plan: beautiful images to give encouragement and hope, and a few sad images to serve as warnings against persevering in evil ways.
That is why, in about 2004, I made about thirty small water-colours of the principle sad subjects, and filed them with all the joyful pictures: for the cause of truth.
IMAGERY, NOT REALITY
I must explain, however, that the sad images are precisely that: images, only. No picture of Hell, or devils, can capture the awful reality, just as no image of Heaven, or God, can possibly convey their glory and beauty. But just as the Lord wants to remind the Church of His goodness through pictorial as well as scholarly and oratorical means, so He wants to remind the Church of the danger of evil, for the sake of our souls; and here too He sometimes uses pictorial means - none of which is more than an image, but none of which is as horrible as the spiritual reality which He wants us to avoid.
The Lord sees it as a merciful thing for people to tell the truth in appropriate ways, whether about family life, or bodily health, or spiritual danger; and now that I've realised that, I've recorded almost everything I've been given in prayer.
70. "Who are some of your favourite artists now?"
INSPIRING WORK
There's a list of some of my favourite artists earlier in this interview, many of whom tackled sad subjects as well as joyful; yet in recent years I've come to appreciate a few more painters, as I've managed to go to galleries more frequently than when the children were small. I relish the work of El Greco, which seems almost 'impressionist' to me as well as poignant and beautiful. Amongst more modern painters I now appreciate Matisse, and even Bonnard, whose work seemed unfinished, to me, in earlier years; and I am thrilled to have discovered the early work done by Derain - though he later painted mostly in shades of brown - and the colourful early work of Kandinsky, who later moved determinedly into abstraction.
Now and again I've had further pleasant surprises, coming across Morandi's monumental still-lifes, some very simple works by Gary Hume, and beautiful scenes by Donald Hamilton-Fraser. I like a handful of Turner's paintings, and some by Kirchner,and even some of Allen Jones' work, though for his skill as a colourist, not for his subject-matter. Many consist of Monroe-ish women in five-inch stilettos. They are beautifully-drawn, but not what I want to imitate.
71. "If you could work in any medium what would it be and why?"
A PREFERENCE FOR OILS
Overall, I prefer using oils to water-colours, though I derive great pleasure from both, in the use of them and also in seeing the effects. But oils are difficult to organise, as I need so much rest.
If, by a miracle, I could work in any medium I chose, and if I were strong and had a larger studio space, I believe I would make polychrome sculptures. I've always been fascinated by work in the round, and by bas-reliefs, and scale models of buildings and whole forms - and colour. I've been thrilled to come across an occasional piece of brightly-coloured mediaeval statuary, of the sort which once covered the whole of the front of Wells Cathedral. Today, I would probably make papiér-maché or carved wooden statues of the Saints, or figures in a street, shopping - or family groups; and I'd paint them in full colour. But I can't 'go' there now, or I'll become discontented.
GREAT FULFILMENT
I've had to make certain artistic choices, to fit in with my physical weakness and my freely-chosen domestic circumstances; and I'm overwhelmed with gratitude that I've been given so many images, and that I can do so much art-work daily, for interested people, even now that I'm 63. Though I've done nothing to deserve it, this is a way of life that is very fulfilling for me; indeed, I am involved every day in sharing my Catholic Faith. I enjoy a combination of art, happy family relationships, friendships, and constant delight in prayer - all made possible through the Lord's kindness to me, and His kindness shown out through other people.
As I said earlier, it's best not to dream of what really cannot be, when we can count on the Lord to give us surprising gifts and opportunities, if we try to follow His Way and wait for His plans to unfold. I don't mean that we must never make plans, just that they should be provisional. We are unwise to be ambitious if it means neglecting our ordinary responsibilities.
72. "What is the thing you love to paint the most?"
A SENSE OF 'IMMERSION'
What do I like to paint most of all? - Either scenes that will make me want to fall to my knees in awe - preferably in oils, on huge boards or canvasses, scenes that I can 'enter', which is to say, with some depth in them - and with everything structured to lead the eye further on, amidst beautiful colours. I mention large boards because the largest size of painting I've ever done has been 5 ft by 4 ft; and it was thrilling to be painting something larger than myself. It gave me that sense of 'immersion' in the subject, though no-one can tell, in reproduction, of course, what was the original size. One of these pictures was 'THROUGH HIM, WITH HIM', which is No. 13 in the set of Mass Paintings; and the other was an impressionistic landscape I did in oils for my daughter's seventeenth birthday, when she had just begun to express a delight in my work. So I know that if I had a vast studio, even larger canvasses, and much more energy, it would be my idea of a 'Painter's Heaven'. But that's impossible, so I must put the idea aside.
JOYS AND DIFFICULTIES
Some aspects of any work as an artist are a bit tedious or difficult. Although I'm glad to receive and record whatever the Lord shows me, I don't find it very exciting to paint space-craft, fishing-boats or cable-cars, which can all be found in His 'analogy' pictures; and it's difficult to paint crowd scenes, because it is physically such a strain; but I love to see the result, when I have managed to paint hundreds of Saints in glory, as if seen from the perspective of a little figure on earth. Light and shade, too, are very important to me. I find a picture less pleasing if it has no drama in it - or if it is monochrome, or full of angular shapes, or semi-abstract. But if you put me in front of almost any German Expressionist picture my heart sings.
73. "Which other religious artists have inspired you?"
A FEW FAVOURITES
I am not so well-educated as to be able to name a lot of religious painters; but I've always been deeply moved by William Blake's work - and by the large canvasses of Stanley Spencer, particularly his resurrection scenes. The brilliantly-coloured images on illuminated manuscripts are also very touching - as are the large-eyed Christs and Saints in what I believe are seventeenth-century Ethiopian Gospel paintings.
It's perhaps a fault, but I am not very enamoured of the 'Old Masters', though I can appreciate their extraordinary skills, even their genius. I have an aversion, however, to the posturing that is evident, with the simplest scene carefully stage-directed so that every figure has its head turned and its wrists at a strange angle, it seems. I find this rather mannered and contrived, and prefer to see more natural poses. Furthermore, the muscular writhings of such figures are not as beautiful, to me, as the serene stance of the plain sculpted Romanesque figures above the main doors of Chartres Cathedral.
PERSONAL FAVOURITES
That same serenity is seen in some traditional icon paintings; but although they are beautiful they are not my favourite style, because of the un-life-like postures. I know they are meant to be just as they are, with reverse perspective too, and all sorts of symbolism; but if I have to choose a work of art that instantly touches my heart, at a glance, I choose one from the nineteenth century, or the twentieth, not the third, fourth or seventeenth. It might sound like 'heresy', in artistic terms, to say this, but I'd rather spend an afternoon in the Impressionist gallery at the Quai D'Orsay, than spend it in front of a wall-full of Giottos or Leonardo da Vincis, despite their beauty.
74. "How do you feel about being able to share some of the prayer paintings through the online Art Gallery on the Radiant Light website?"
A LARGE NUMBER OF PEOPLE
The fact that we now have an on-line Art Gallery of my pictures is all due to my children - principally to my daughter, whose idea it was. She had the foresight to see that we could reach a large number of people with the Lord's work, in this way; and she has had wonderful assistance from our Web designers. It thrills me to know that we have it. I see it as one of the providential ways in which the Lord is bringing His teachings and reminders about the spiritual life to many thousands more people. For that reason, I am awe-struck. There was no Internet when He first promised to make things well-known, to help souls; and now He is fulfilling His promises in wonderful ways, through helpful people, through astonishing new inventions such as the Internet, through the Conferences He's asked me to hold, through the correspondence into which He's drawn me, and the many projects and programmes for which the pictures are acquired from Radiant Light, as requested and organised by various Christian organisations.
To go back to the original question, it's good to know what's happening, through our Website; but in practice it doesn't really impinge on my everyday life a lot. It's my family who deals with the e-mails by which people comment on the on-line exhibitions, and request copyright permissions so that they can use certain pictures for personal inspiration or for teaching and catechesis. Though they are very conscientious about copying and showing me such e-mails, I still feel very much 'at one remove' from it. I mostly remain in my own room, writing, painting and resting, apart from going to Mass and shops, and family meals, and occasional outings elsewhere.
DAILY TASKS
I always seem to have about five or six ongoing projects to deal with, by which I mean tasks given to me by the Lord, or things connected with those tasks. So I'm grateful that other people deal with copyright issues, for example, as I go to Mass and the shops; then I come home to reply to interview questions for an on-line feature, re-check the typescript of a new book, put the last touches to the last painting for my children's book, keep up with written correspondence, pay bills, make 'phone calls, write up daily teachings, and try to record the recent prayer-images as monochrome water-colours. And sometimes I cook a meal - after a good rest. That's a typical day. So we are all doing different things for the Lord, in 'Radiant Light'. People are very generous with their skills and their time; and it all seems to fit together, to fulfil the Lord's plans, so far as we understand them at present.
75. "How is it possible to paint spiritual themes/ideas which were NOT originally images, e.g. teachings given to you which have no visual content? Does it not distort them? Can you explain, too, something about your 'Scripture' paintings?"
IMAGES NOT FROM GOD, BUT PROMPTED BY HIM
Of all the types of religious art-work I've done there are two types I haven't yet mentioned. I have already explained the religious illustrations I did for a priest-friend, years ago before I had had any images given to me in prayer. Those illustrations were composed by me, through using my children and their friends as models. That is what I would call a work of the imagination. I could have grouped the figures in one way, or in another. My choices were dictated by the results I wanted. I literally composed a design, for my own purposes, which happened to be acceptable to me and useful to the person who requested it.
Much later, I was given images in prayer, as I've already described. I receive them still; and they are totally 'given'. Everything necessary for God's purpose is in them. I do not compose or invent them. He has decided what to show the world, through me. Yet there are other 'in-between' images which I have not yet explained, of which I sometimes make religious pictures. Such images as these are a secondary feature of some prayer-encounters with Christ when, first, He has taught me soundlessly, and then He has prompted my own mind instantly to produce an image which marvellously illustrates His teaching. It's that secondary nature that makes those God-prompted images different in type from the God-given images I've already described, such as Christ the Bridge, and the Abyss, and others.
PROMPTED, DURING PRAYER
The important thing to know is that I count these 'in-between' images as true prayer-images because I only had them 'pushed' by God from my mind because I was engrossed in prayer. I did not sit and 'day-dream' them, or compose them. I could not have 'thought them up' by thinking about Christ, or sin, or Heaven, or any other subject. But since they arrive in a different way from the others, I have recorded them in a slightly different way, in my series of accurate monochrome water-colour paintings. I have no wish to confuse anyone, or to pretend that what is an image from my own mind, prompted by God in prayer, is the same as an image directly received from 'above' in a way I don't understand; so when I organised my system of monochrome water-colours I gave the different sorts of images a different appearance. I recorded every 'God-given' image in a large rectangular painting, but I recorded every 'God-prompted' image as a very small image in a narrow area, and with a different sort of code number given, as well as the usual 'teaching' and picture number. All of this is explained in the Appendix to my spiritual autobiography, in an illustrated section which deals with every type of image and vision in prayer; so I won't repeat it all here.
SCRIPTURE ILLUSTRATIONS
The other pictures that I haven't yet explained are the 'Holy Scripture' paintings of recent years. These are yet another gift from God which I told no-one about for a long time. Indeed, I almost took it for granted - until a time came when images of Scripture stories were needed for a Radiant Light collaboration with a teacher of Scripture, and I providentially had the images ready, in my memory.
What had happened was this: I have been to daily Mass, for many years. Day after day, I have listened to the First Reading in church, and to the Psalm, and the Gospel; and each time I have listened, I've prayed to the Holy Spirit: "Increase my understanding of Holy Scripture," or, "Open my ears to Your Word." And I have found that my prayer has been answered, but in ways I had never expected. Occasionally, the Lord has shown me that through certain passages He was speaking directly to me, to give me a special insight into my own life or work. But the most astonishing answer has been His gift to me of an unrolling of a 'visual Gospel', as I hear the words of the Gospel read out loud, at daily Mass. As I look towards the priest, I am aware that the Lord is placing before my soul's eyes something like a dimly-seen movie of all that the Lord is doing in that particular passage of Scripture.
AN ILLUSTRATED GOSPEL
This is not my imagination at work. I had never experienced this sort of moving, living, 'unveiling' of an incident in Christ's life - and also in the lives of the Prophets and Saints - until a few years ago. But when I grew used to the fact, I decided that one day I would try to illustrate a whole Gospel with the Lord's images, given in this new way. Indeed, I photocopied the whole of St. John's Gospel, enlarged to size A4, leaving a blank page opposite each page of text, for the time when I would be able to fill the blank spaces. That was in about 1998; but I was too busy with other work to be able to complete it. And it was not until a well-known teacher asked my daughter if there were, amongst my collection of paintings, any pictures of Jesus and the woman at the well, for example, that I felt impelled to start painting. That was a moment at which I almost laughed for joy, realising that now I had a special incentive to make time to put down the Scripture images which I had already received, and share them.
FAMILIAR STORIES
It seems that the 'woman at the well' story, with the 'healing of the blind man', and other stories, are used in many R.C.I.A. programmes, and other projects. Frances Hogan, the Scripture teacher, wanted to use some paintings to illustrate her talks on familiar gospel stories for a Catholic television network; so when I was able to produce fifteen 'Gospel' water-colours in a few days, from memory, I was once again thrilled by the Lord's foresight and generosity; and I was pleased to be able to help Frances. These pictures all have a special code, to distinguish them from the images given in contemplative prayer.
76. "How would you like to see your artwork used in the future? How could it be reproduced, for example, in churches and other venues?"
ALL AROUND THE WORLD
Although I've said a lot about not 'dreaming' about the future, things are a bit different when it comes to Radiant Light, because I know it has a future - and a future that will be astonishing. The Lord has told me various things which I am sure will come true, because He is trustworthy. Besides, I've already seen some promises fulfilled; Christ told me, nearly twenty years ago, not to worry about sharing His teachings. He said that if I obeyed His instructions He would spread them all very widely, to help people; and that has now happened to some degree, as the images teach and help people in various countries. So I am thrilled to know that the Work is already proving useful. And I'm happy to entrust the entire Work, in the future, to the Lord.
It seems important here to mention that none of the original paintings is for sale; and I do not make any personal profit from the use of my artwork or from sales of reproductions. Any sales of Radiant Light publications or donations go to Radiant Light, which is a non-profit making company; and they are used by Radiant Light for further printing, and art exhibitions, for example, or other ways of drawing attention to Christ, and to the work of the Church.
If I were pressed to say how I would like to see some of the pictures used, I could make a list of ways, though I'm sure that other people will one day have better ideas. I'm content to have produced the pictures. But it would perhaps be thrilling to know that some would be reproduced, much enlarged, onto the walls of some of our sanctuaries. I would hope to give distracted minds something to focus on, that remind them of God and Heaven, the Saints and Angels, Creation and Original Sin, Christ and Redemption and Judgement.
INFORMATION AND INSPIRATION
It is part of the teaching and Tradition of the Church that we should have images in our churches. I've been rather saddened to observe that some Catholics have built or re-ordered many churches, for decades, in a style which is plain, dull, and not very beautiful – and giving little sense of being in a sacred space. I wonder if some priests and Bishops have been influenced by architects who prefer minimalist designs. Although bare walls are traditional for some monks and nuns who have been called to a special sort of simplicity, I believe parishioners might like a bit of colour, as well as pictorial information, and inspiration.
Maybe the Rosary pictures could be hugely enlarged one day, for a church or pilgrimage area; or a selection of paintings could be made for a 'Stations of the Cross'. It would be wonderful to know that some pictures could be reproduced, too, as large tapestries, or stained glass windows, or as glass screens to separate a side chapel from the body of a church, perhaps. The more obvious uses would be as banners, or Mass-cards, or posters for school rooms, and postcards for retreats, and as religious text-book illustrations. I think some would look beautiful on chasubles – but not such large and loud images as to make our priests look like wizards, as can happen if designers are a bit too adventurous. Perhaps some of the images could be used in missals or other prayer books, or on the altar and the ambo. I'm aware that the paintings might seem a bit too bright and modern for some art-lovers; but there's no end to the places in which they could prove useful to those who like them.
THE LORD'S PLANS
I realise that some of my work is rather rushed, and of poor quality; but as I said earlier, I believe that what is good seems to help providentially to fill the gap between the old and the 'post-modern', in being simply modern, and also figurative and bright. That seems to be why it has so often been requested in past years for Ordination booklets, for example. It is for that reason, but above all because the Lord has promised the work will be widely used, that I am confident it will be welcomed by all sorts of people and institutions in the future. Indeed it is my sincere belief that the Lord already knows how He wants to use the images He has chosen to give me, and that He is already preparing the people who will make the necessary decisions. So I am genuinely happy to leave it all to the future, and to continue living unworriedly in the 'present moment', doing as much work as I can while I have the energy. More importantly, I am trying to do the other things Christ has asked me to do: to grow in charity, more and more, while there is still time, and - at His invitation - to prepare for life in Heaven.
77. "Can you now give us the long list of subjects that you've said the paintings are 'about'?"
I would like to give the list I promised. I mentioned earlier that the images from the Lord which I've recorded in pen, pencil, water-colour or oils, provide reminders to do with very many subjects, on which I have also been given soundless 'teachings'; and I still receive teachings on many of these subjects today. In alphabetical order, these are:-
Abortion
Angels
Apostles
Atonement
Babies
Baptism
Benediction
Bishops
Blessed Sacrament
Care of elderly
Care of the sick
Catechesis
Children
Christians, others
Christian Way
Christ: earthly life
Christ's love for us
Christ's Passion and Death
Christ's Real Presence
Christ's Risen Life
Church: Christ's Body
Church: Feasts and Seasons
Church: History
Church: House of God
Church: Leadership
Church: Teachings
Communion of Saints
Confession
Confirmation
Contrition
Conscience
Contraception
Conversion
Creation
Death
Devotions
Disability
Duties
Ecumenism
Environment
Euthanasia
Evangelisation
Exposition
Faithful Departed
Fallen Angels
Forgiveness
Gender
Glory of God
Glory, within us
God's work
God the Father
God the Holy Spirit
God the Son
Heaven
Hell
Holiness
Holy Communion
Holy Trinity
Images in prayer
Journey to Union
Judgement Day
Life-in-Union
Life on earth
Magisterium
Marriage
Mass
Mission
Natural world
Neighbours to love
Ordination
Peace
Penance
Persecution
Perseverance
Personal matters
Pilgrimages
Pope
Pope and Bishops
Prayer: Contemplation
Prayer: General matters
Prayer: Intercession
Prayer: Liturgical
Prayer: Preparation Priesthood
Private matters
Purgatory
Purification
'Radiant Light'
Religious life
Reparation
Repentance
Reverence
Rosary
Sacramentals
Sacrament of the Sick
Sacraments
Sacred Heart of Jesus
Sacred Scripture
Sacred Tradition
Sacrifice
Saints in Heaven
Saints on earth
Salvation
Satan
Shrines
Sickness
Sin and forgiveness
Soul
Spiritual danger
Spiritual darkness
Spiritual guides
Spiritual journey
Spiritual joys
Spiritual maturity
Spiritual wounds
Spouses
State of grace
Study
Suffering
Surrender
Teachings-in-prayer
Temptation
Transforming Union
Virgin Mary: Assumption
Virgin Mary: Earthly life
Virgin Mary: Immaculate heart
Virgin Mary: Mother of God
Virgin Mary: Mother of Perpetual Help
Virgin Mary: Mother of the Church
Virtues
Visions
Vocations
War
Weakness
Will of God
Work for God
World Religions